Message for you, sir!

It's an occupational hazard as a blogger that occasionally you get hate mail.

I was thinking about this because I got not one but two emails yesterday informing me that I'm going to hell.  I suppose that's natural enough, too, given my criticisms of religion, but two in one day did seem a bit much.  The first one was succinct enough -- it was in response to a post from earlier this year, in which I described a guy's claims that Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster et al. were signs of the End Times, as hath been prophesied by the scriptures.  Here's what I was told, regarding that post:

Scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts, and saying, "Where is the promise of His coming?"  For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation. (2 Peter 3: 3-4)

To be fair, the person who made the comment is the guy who is made the original claim about El Chupacabra being mentioned in the Book of Revelation, so it's understandable that he'd more or less tell me to fuck off.  But it is the first time in my life that anyone has accused me of walking lustfully.

The second was more detailed, if only marginally more coherent, and was in response to a post I did two years ago about the "Quwave Defender," a device that costs hundreds of dollars and is supposed to protect you from "psychotronic manipulation" by the government.  I know from experience that the conspiracy theorists tend to be even touchier than the religious folks, so when you combine the two you get a mixture that makes nitroglycerin look like KoolAid.  Here's what the commenter told me about my opinions apropos of the Quwave Defender:

If someone such as Mr. Skepticism comes "just happens" to come across a site like Quwave and doesn't bother to research Targeted Individual harassment, etc., obviously the writer is guilty of the crime and spreading disinformation.  Entering the phrase, "targeted individuals in the usa" returns 54 million !!! results.  The overwhelming amount of information that is out there on this atrocity is incomprehensible in light of the fact the Mr. Skepticism and his partners in crime continue to get away with their sinister motives.  Don't worry, Mr. Skepticism, your crime ring will reign free....for a while.  Eventually it will fall like a house of cards, you can count on it. Then you will be homeless, hungy [sic], jobless, friendless, and dying...like all your victims.  Then you get to go to hell and be tortured far more terrifying and obscene than what all of you did to innocent victims in your lifetime.

So she sure told me.  It does cross my mind, however, that saying you get "54 million results" from a Google search is no indicator of whether what you're searching for makes sense.  Just for fun, I did a Google search for "magic alien weasel," and got 618,000 hits, which is considerably smaller than 54 million, but still pretty impressive for something that doesn't, technically, exist.  It also netted the following photograph:

So I was curious, in that game of free-association way that internet searches frequently exhibit, to find out where the photo came from.  Turns out it's from a movie I'd never heard of called The Man from Planet X, a 60s-era B-grade science fiction flick which sounds pretty amazing.  But better yet, the search turned up the photo because it had been used in a blog called A Writer's Universe, which at a glance looks absolutely wonderful -- a blend of science and fiction and musings about the universe, and you should all definitely check it out.

So a piece of hate mail threatening me with hellfire led me to a cool blog that I certainly will be coming back to.  One of those weird silver-lining things.

One of the funny things about blogging, and hate mail, is that I never know which posts are going to generate the most vitriolic responses.  Sometimes I'll post something pretty brutal, and when I hit "Publish" I think, "Man, I'm going to get blasted to smithereens over this one."  And... nothing.  Then I'll post something that seems so gentle and conciliatory that I won't give it a second thought, and...

BAM.

This happened just this week with my piece called "Bias Testing," in which I tried to strike a cautionary note and suggest that we all (myself included) need to keep our biases in mind when we react to a news story.  The news story I used as an illustration had to do with a Muslim woman, Tahera Ahmad, who was allegedly denied an unopened can of soda on an airplane, ostensibly because she was wearing a headscarf.  I even said explicitly that we only had Ahmad's side of the story, and that the airline was investigating the incident, but I was still lambasted repeatedly for being (1) a bleeding-heart left-winger who fell for Ahmad's obviously bogus story only because I suffer from white liberal guilt, and (2) a bigoted America-first racist because I mentioned that I didn't like Islam as an ideology, and therefore am complicit in the humiliation Ahmad experienced.

Well, make up your mind.  You can see as how I can't be both at the same time.  But that'll teach me to try to steer a middle course between two extreme (and, allow me to add, biased) views; you end up hitting the rocks no matter what.

So that's today's visit to the mailbox.  I've grown a thick enough skin after five years of blogging that most of the time, these missives don't cause me any more than a momentary bother, but it's still interesting to see what prompts people to respond.  And at least they're delivered via email.  Because even if it wasn't a Mortal Wound, I'd rather not follow in Fair Concord's footsteps and catch an arrow to the chest.

Shields up, captain!

Well, it was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

In the last few years, we've seen a surge in the number of claims that the government is engaging in clandestine high-tech mind control (and also weather modification, generation of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, and an X-Files-style collaboration with aliens to gain access to their evil technology).  With all of that nastiness happening, it's understandable that your average conspiracy theorist feels like a lamb amongst the wolves.

But not any more.  Now, if you are a TI ("Targeted Individual"), someone the government is harassing using HAARP and chemtrails and direct "voice to skull" experiments, there is help available.

Meet the QuWave Defender -- the first device ever invented specifically to protect you from all of this bad stuff.  Here's the sales pitch:

ARE YOU CONSTANTLY BEING:

• Treated like a Targeted Individual ?
• Attacked by Psychotronic Weapons ?
• Subjected to Psychic Attacks ?
• Subject to Remote Brain Manipulation ?
• Have you been chipped or implanted ?
• Subjected to Electronic Harassment ?
• Exposed to HAARP, ELF, Microwave beams ?
• Subject of Voice to Skull experiments ?
• Subjected to Remote Viewing & Visions ?
• Are you on a TI list being Monitored ?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you might be a Targeted Individual, and you might need the QuWave Defender. It can improve your life and make daily living bearable.

The QuWave Defender, the site says, uses "Scalar Waves and Solfeggio Energies to protect Targeted Individuals from Electronic Harassment & Psychotronic Attacks."

Whatever the hell that means.

Do you need a QuWave Defender?

Electronic Harassment and other forms of control are designed to leave targets feeling stressed out, disoriented, drowsy, helpless, and paranoid. Targets are left with no one to trust and no one to turn to. This form of harassment uses electronic weapons of various types to remotely torture, control, and physically harm Targeted Individuals over time.

There are a variety of means that are used remotely to harm and control the targeted individuals. Some of these techniques are: Microwave, Ultrasonic, Laser, and Acoustic weapons such as Voice to Skul [sic] (v2k, v-2-k), which are used remotely to cause a variety of effects on Targeted Individuals. Many victims find themselves implanted with microchips which have become too small for the human eye to see.

So, if you can't see a microchip, it means there's one there.

How does it work, though? I'm sure that's the question all of you are asking. Simple, the site says:

The QuWave "Defender" produces a Scalar Field specially tuned to protect your body & brain from “Psychotronic Attacks“ and Electronic Harassment from ELF, HAARP, Implants, Microwaves, etc. Also effective defense from Psychic Attacks, Remote Viewing/Manipulation, V2K, Mind Control, etc.

The Scalar Field interferes with external & internal negative harmful signals.

The Solfeggio Waves convert electronic and psychic attacks to positive energy and strengthen the human Bio-field.

By directly modulating a Scalar Wave with Solfeggio Frequencies, we are able to beam them directly to your sub-consciousness. Directly into your body/brain to restore natural balance, protection, and improve brain waves.

It works because it works! Science-y words! Scalar frequency waves! Psychotronic attacks! Stop asking questions!

I have to say, though, that every time they mention "solfeggio frequencies" I keep picturing the kids from The Sound of Music singing, "Do, a deer, a female deer, Re, a drop of golden sun..."

Oh, and I should mention at this juncture that they also claim that the QuWave Defender uses orgone energy, which (as far as I understand it) is some kind of universal life force that we all share, and that is released suddenly during orgasm.  And one of the benefits reported by "a certain percentage of QuWave Defender users (results may vary)" is "improved loving."  So there you are, then.

I picture what these machines supposedly do as being a little like the "shields" in Star Trek.  You can't see 'em, and but they're there, protecting you from all sorts of new and unusual threats.  Scotty can explain how they work, but his explanations don't mean anything, because three-quarters of the words he uses sound like they were made up on the spot.  ("Aye, captain, we've got the alpha subspace polarity oscillators runnin' at maximum gain, but the warp antimatter quantum fields are creatin' pulses of verdion rays, which is gonna make the x-5 Fleegman junctions blow out before the next commercial break if we don't do somethin'...")

Because, after all, ye canna change the laws o' physics.

If you're wondering, by now, how much these things cost, the answer is: a lot.  The "Personal Defender," which is small enough to put in your pocket or purse so you can carry it around with you, and even "wear it as a pendant," is $297.  The "Tabletop Defender," which looks a little like an iPad and is for protecting your home, is $499.  Plus, in both cases, shipping and handling.

You know, I have to admit some grudging admiration for these people.  You take an imaginary threat, but one that a lot of people have become convinced of, and then sell them a useless device to protect them from the imaginary threat.  It's brilliant, really.  And given how well the placebo effect works, I have no doubt that people will report positive results.  There is a whole page full of video testimonials, my favorite of which I quote in its entirety below:

Hi, I'm Chris McKim, and I recently purchased a Tabletop QuWave Defender from QuWave.  I have the Defender, the Personal Defender, and it worked pretty well, so I decided I was gonna try the Tabletop Defender.  And for the last two days, I have not heard a damn voice in my head.  It's the first time in about eight years, so that's a nice change of pace.  I'm actually thinking about cleaning my house for the first time in quite a while, I know that sounds kinda sketchy, but you know, when your life is shit, you don't give a fuck about where you're living.  Excuse my language.  But now I do, and I'm gonna clean my house.  I think I like it a lot.  The lights are on, and that tells me it's working.  See?  [holds up the device]  The lights are on, and that tells me it's working.  And best of all, the signs inside me are telling me it's working.  So, I highly recommend it.  You can return it if it doesn't work.  I hope you'll give it a try, because if it makes your life better, it's well worth it.  Especially if you buy both of them together, you get a good deal.  So, thanks for listening to me.  Bye-bye.

Well, with a scientifically-controlled study like that, who can argue?

Anyhow, that's our bit of woo-woo weirdness for today.  For the record, I'm not going to buy one.  I'm not feeling any particular need for protection from the voices in my head, and as far as I can tell I'm not being harassed by HAARP, psychotronic attack, microwave beams, or microchips.  Right now, the only one who is harassing me is my dog, who wants his breakfast, and I doubt that the "QuWave Defender" would do a damn thing to help me in that regard.