Skeptophilia (skep-to-fil-i-a) (n.) - the love of logical thought, skepticism, and thinking critically. Being an exploration of the applications of skeptical thinking to the world at large, with periodic excursions into linguistics, music, politics, cryptozoology, and why people keep seeing the face of Jesus on grilled cheese sandwiches.
Showing posts with label conspiracy theorists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conspiracy theorists. Show all posts

Thursday, October 17, 2024

A door in the ice

In H. P. Lovecraft's seminal horror short story "At the Mountains of Madness," some scientists are sent on an expedition to Antarctica to drill down through the ice and see what they can find out about the geology and paleontology of that largely-unexplored continent, and -- unsurprisingly, if you've ever read any Lovecraft -- they should have declined to participate.  First they discover fossil evidence of advanced forms of life dating back to the Precambrian Era; then, carved stones showing that some of those creatures had culture and tool-making capabilities; and finally, in an icy cave, they come across the frozen remains of life forms unlike anything known from Earth's prehistory.  Ultimately, they find that these life forms were intelligent -- far more intelligent than humans -- and in the interior of Antarctica, the scientific team discovers the remains of an ancient city:

Here, on a hellishly ancient table-land fully twenty thousand feet high, and in a climate deadly to habitation since a prehuman age not less than five hundred thousand years ago, there stretched nearly to the vision's limit a tangle of orderly stone which only the desperation of mental self-defense could possibly attribute to any but a conscious and artificial cause...  This cyclopean maze of squared, curved, and angled blocks had features which cut off all comfortable refuge.  It was, very clearly, the blasphemous city of the mirage in stark, objective, and ineluctable reality...  For boundless miles in every direction the thing stretched off with very little thinning; indeed, as our eyes followed it to the right and left along the base of the low, gradual foothills which separated it from the actual mountain rim we decided we could see no thinning at all except for an interruption at the left of the pass through which we had come.  We had merely struck, at random, a limited part of something of incalculable extent.

So, of course, they decide to land their plane and investigate.  And of course find out that not all the monsters are frozen.  And of course a number of them end up getting eaten by Shoggoths.  Which kind of sucked for them, but is also no more than you should expect if you're a character in a Lovecraft story.

The reason all this comes up is that the conspiracy theorists are currently having multiple orgasms over the discovery on Google Earth of what looks like a giant door in the ice in Antarctica, southeast of the Japanese-run Showa Station.  This has sparked a huge amount of buzz, despite the fact that the image itself is... um... underwhelming, to put it mildly:


So it's far from "a cyclopean maze" spreading for "boundless miles in every direction," and light years from anything that "only the desperation of mental self-defense could possibly attribute to any but a conscious and artificial cause."  It is, in fact, a vaguely rectangular block of ice that probably slid down the slope and got hung up on a projection in the rock. 

Once this explanation was presented to the conspiracy theorists, they all frowned, scratched their heads, laughed in an embarrassed sort of way, and said, "Oh, all right, then!  What goobers we were!"

Ha!  I made that up.  If you know anything about conspiracy theorists, you surely know that the obvious, rational explanation just made them conspiracy even harder.  Besides the "OMFG Lovecraft was rightI!!!!!" responses, here are a few of the reactions I saw, before my prefrontal cortex started whimpering for mercy and I had to stop reading:

  • It's the door to Agartha.  Agartha is a kingdom located on the inner surface of the Earth.
  • I bet it's a clone reptile base.
  • Bunker entrance?  It's too regular to be natural.  Could be an old Nazi base.
  • Didn't someone found entrance on Mars same like this one?  [sic]
  • It's a secret doorway to another dimension. 
Then someone had the audacity to point out the obvious.  "Wouldn't they make sure Google Earth DIDN'T photograph it if it was secret?"  Which has, all along, been one of my main objections to conspiracy theorists; they're asking you to believe that major world events are being engineered by a cabal of brilliant but devious malevolent supergeniuses, who are so intelligent they can do things like modify the weather and build secret bases on Mars and engineer spacecraft with faster-than-light capability and use 5G technology to manipulate our minds, but this same cabal is simultaneously so stupid that some neckbeard can figure out everything they're doing without ever leaving his mom's basement.

But that kind of argument is a non-starter with these people, so of course the guy who wondered why Google Earth would slip up and photograph the secret door if it was a secret door was immediately shouted down.

Anyhow, it's wryly amusing how little it takes to get the conspiracy theorists going.  If there really is some kind of bizarre structure on Antarctica, I'll wait for better evidence.  Boundless miles of eldritch, blasphemous, cyclopean architecture would do it for me.  Although don't ask me to be the one to go down there and investigate.  For one thing, I'm not fond of the cold.  For another, I'd rather not get eaten by a Shoggoth.  I'll stay here in my comfortable house and see what I can find out on Google Earth.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2018

The devil on my shoulder

Me, trying to find a topic for today's Skeptophilia post:  Hmm.  Let's see, what do we have in the news today.  *sips coffee*  Science news, political news, religious news...

Diabolical voice from on my left shoulder:  How about Alex Jones?

Me:  No, everyone knows that Alex Jones is a certifiable wingnut.  Why would I want to...

Diabolical voice:  No, really.  You need to check out what Alex Jones just said.

Me (scowling angrily):  Why?  Everything that comes out of the man's mouth is either complete lunacy, or a desperate plea for attention, or both.  It's total clickbait.  I don't want to...

Diabolical voice:  C'mon.  You know you want to.

Me:  I'm sure there are much better things for me to be reading, not to mention writing about.

Diabolical voice (alluringly):  Alexxxx Jonnnessss...

Me:  Well, I don't know, it seems like a waste of time, but maybe...

Diabolical voice (in a whisper):  Take the bait, little mouse... take the bait...

Me:  Oh, fine, I guess one quick look won't hurt me.

Alex Jones:  Atrazine does have the same effects in mammals as it has in frogs.  And it changes areas of the brain associated with the olfactory nerve.  That's the nose, my friend.  That's the part of your brain that hooks to your nose.  And everything else that make men feel attracted to other men...  The Pentagon developed a Atrazine-type spray that they would spray.  They tested it actually in Iraq.  That's classified but it was -- it got leaked.  You can pull it up.  Gay bomb!  They always take like a clip of me going gay bomb, baby!  And then I show BBC, but they cut the BBC, and it's basically a chemical cocktail, not just of Atrazine.  They add some other chemicals.  It's classified.  But the word is, it's like, what's ecstasy's compound?  I forgot.  MDMA!  They mix that with Atrazine and stuff.  And then they spray that on you and you'll start having sex with a fire hydrant...  I mean, the point is, is that sex is all based not even on visual, men it's mainly -- but it's smells with women particularly.  But they can flip that on.  It's like perfume.  You know, everybody knows about that?  Well, they've got weaponized perfumes, basically that will make men attracted to other men and they want you to do that so you don't have kids.


Me (eyes spinning):  Yes... gay bombs... weaponized sex perfumes... mixed with atrazine and stuff...  "olfactory" means "nose," my friend...  guys humping fire hydrants...  It all makes so much sense, now!

Diabolical voice:  See, isn't this better than some silly story about new advancements in science?

Me:  ... thank heaven for Alex Jones, for having figured all this out!  Otherwise I might have inhaled some atrazine mixed with MDMA, and suddenly gotten the hots for that guy who lives down the street, which would make my life all higgledy-piggledy!  And if he turned me down, I'd have to look for a fire hydrant!

Diabolical voice:  Lucky you have me around, isn't it?

Me:  Really lucky.

Diabolical voice:  Next up: Rudy Giuliani explains how being loudly booed at Yankee Stadium means everyone loves him.

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This week's book recommendation is the biography of one of the most inspirational figures in science; the geneticist Barbara McClintock.  A Feeling for the Organism by Evelyn Fox Keller not only explains to the reader McClintock's groundbreaking research into how transposable elements ("jumping genes") work, but is a deft portrait of a researcher who refused to accept no for an answer.  McClintock did her work at a time when few women were scientists, and even fewer were mavericks who stood their ground and went against the conventional paradigm of how things are.  McClintock was one -- and eventually found the recognition she deserved for her pioneering work with a Nobel Prize.