My first thought was to wonder how astral sex would work, given that sex is one of those things that (insofar as I understand it) pretty much requires that you and your significant other both have bodies. But according to "astral projection specialist" Steve G. Jones, the whole point is that with "astral sex," you're "more than naked," and you and your friend kind of merge your souls together, or something.
Which brings up a number of questions, first and foremost of which is, how do you become an "astral projection specialist?" Do you go to Woo U. and major in Soul Travel? Most importantly, how do you study a phenomenon which even the Wikipedia page labels unequivocally as evidence-free pseudoscience?
That, of course, doesn't stop Steve G. Jones, who says that "astral sex" is totally real, and he gives us some fascinating details on how it's done. Instead of foreplay, you spend the time beforehand "getting into a meditative state that is somewhere in the sweet spot between awake and asleep." Then, apparently, you just float together, and proceed to engage in some out-of-body bow-chicka-bow-wow. It doesn't end in orgasm, however, at least not in the usual sense:
That intertwining depends on how adept you and your partner are at astral projection. The merging of souls or energy is the ‘orgasm’ that is reportedly a combination of both physical and astral pleasure that is said can still be felt after each person returns to their physical bodies.Which I guess is fine if that's what you're after.
Then we're cautioned that there's a sketchy side of "astral sex." Because you're out-of-body when you're doing it, there's nothing (except for morality) to stop you from merging with someone while they're asleep, without their permission. The result for the unwitting object of your attention is that they'd dream of having actual sex with you, but it's really not something you should do. It's critical, Jones says, to ask the permission of the person you're intending to get down-and-dirty with.
I wonder how that'd go, don't you? You're in a bar, looking for a hookup, and propose to the nice-looking person sitting next to you that you'd like to seal the deal with them.
"So we'll both go to our respective homes," you say, "and meditate for a while, and meet in the astral plane for some hot spirit-on-spirit action."
I don't know about you, but if someone approached me with this kind of proposal, I would suddenly remember a pressing engagement elsewhere.
But the possibility of non-consensual astral sex isn't the only hazard of playing the etheric field, says Steve G. Jones. Besides unscrupulous human spirits, there are also demons who are eager to have their way with you. And both genders are at risk. There are incubi, lustful male spirits looking for human women to couple with, and succubi, the female equivalent who are trying to find a human man. No matter how horny you are, Jones cautions, it's best to stay away from these entities, because they can "sap your energy."
Charles Walker, Incubus (1879) [image courtesy of the Wikimedia Commons]
Anyhow, there you have it. If yesterday's libido-enhancing "binaural beats" didn't do it for you, there's still the possibility of "astral sex," which at least has the advantages of not passing along STDs and having zero risk of pregnancy. I doubt it'll ever replace the real thing, however, regardless of how nice a "spirit orgasm" is.