But every once in a while, along will come a claim that is so bizarre, so inspired, that it rises above the background noise to the point that it almost seems like a work of performance art. And thus, I think, is the mélange of mishegoss that calls itself Unveiling Them, which was brought to my attention by a loyal reader of Skeptophilia two days ago because one of the predictions of the site is that Jesus's Second Coming is currently scheduled for December 22, 2020, which is exactly one year from yesterday. (So evidently the quote in Matthew 24 will have to be amended to, "No one knoweth the hour, except this one guy, who hath figured it out somehow.")
At first glance, it seems to be nothing more than an End Times/Book of Revelation site, but it's much more than that. They only start there, and afterwards, go off into reaches of weirdness the likes of which I haven't seen in a long time.
Viktor Vasnetsov, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (1887) [Image is in the Public Domain]
Besides the usual Number Of The Beast stuff, we find out that:
- A mass population die-off is "set to commence now." Consider yourselves forewarned.
- Iron is a nutritional toxin; we need copper instead.
- AB negative is the original human blood type; all of the others arose from mutations within the past five hundred years.
- The Ebola virus only affects people who are suffering from iron poisoning. Since all human blood contains hemoglobin, which contains iron, that's kind of... everyone.
- Contrary to what the census bureau would have you believe, the population of the United States peaked in 1980 and is currently decreasing.
- There are 14,270,410 Evil Satanic Operatives in the United States right now. Why is this number relevant? It's 6.66% of the whole population. Get it? 666? (Okay, I know it's only 6.66% if you think the population is way smaller than it actually is. Just play along, all right?)
- Baby Boomers are being exterminated in Secret Death Camps.
- What Jesus actually meant to say was "Do unto others before they have a chance to do unto you."
- Radiation, including wi-fi, "vibrates your blood proteins" and accelerates aging.
- Barack Obama lied about his birth certificate, but not in the way the "Truthers" claim. He wasn't born in Hawaii, but neither was he born in Kenya. He was born in Alabama in 1916. So he's 98 years old.
- Because he's smart enough to consume copper instead of iron, and stays away from wi-fi.
Of course, there's the warning posted on the website, threatening supernatural vengeance against scoffers like myself, which I reproduce here in toto:
Any attack on the words of these pages (and links) herein, whether it be directly or indirectly, by those whom these words speak of or by their agents or any instrument of theirs, will receive a thousand times what they gave to others, and the plagues and miseries they unleashed upon others, will abound in them.So I consider myself forewarned as well. Of course, given that the author of this website has a serious grudge against... well, pretty much everyone, it remains to be seen who would be left un-plagued after all was said and done. He says that the bad guys who are doomed to destruction include anyone involved in "universities, colleges, foundations, research, corporations, legal system, intelligence organizations/contractors, the churches, media, medicine, police departments, military, all government agencies, school districts, water departments, energy & communications, financial institutions, music/movie industries, sports/entertainment, television/radio, funeral homes/cemeteries, insurance and real estate." If you exclude all of the aforementioned, who do you have left to Inherit The Kingdom Of God?
The author of the website. And maybe a handful of scattered peasant-sheepherder types in random locations. The Lord Of Hosts will more be The Lord Of A Few Guys Who Are Wandering Around Wondering Where Everyone Went.
And there's lots more, which I invite you to peruse. We apparently will know who the Elect are by their DNA, which is the same as Christ's DNA, which was secretly isolated from the Shroud of Turin. We are told that the main goal is to "Put an end to violence and bloodshed," but that we are to accomplish this by "Rounding up every man, woman, and child for the abyss prepared for them," which seems a little counterproductive to me if ending violence is your goal. (I suppose, of course, that if by the end of all of this, there's only seventeen people left on Earth, then it's gonna be de facto a more peaceful planet than it has been for a very long time.)
Anyhow, I'm about done with this, so I'll just leave you to cogitate on all of it. Me, I 'm going off to prepare myself to be Smitten A Thousandfold By Plagues And Miseries. You'd think one plague would do it, wouldn't you? A thousand seems like overkill.
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