You might have seen the most recent lunatic pronouncement coming from the Christofascist right wing here in the United States, this time from noted wingnut Representative Lauren Boebert of Colorado. Boebert appeared on the show Flash Point, and in response to a question about what we should do to improve our country, she said, "Maybe we need to have some sort of legislation that requires Constitution Alive! and biblical citizenship training in our schools, and that's how we get things turned around."
It hardly bears pointing out that Constitution Alive! is a Christian ultra-nationalist approach to interpreting the Constitution, and says right on its website that its goal is "restoring America's Biblical and Constitutional foundations of freedom."
I'm more interested, though, in Boebert's "biblical citizenship" test idea. So in the interest of seeing if she's qualified herself, I submit a short quiz I put together to test her understanding of the Bible (along with biblical references, in case you want to check my sources). See how you score, Representative Boebert.
1. Which of the following should be sufficient to prohibit you from entering a church?
a) Having a flat nose.b) Having a broken hand.c) Being blind.d) All of the above.
2. A guy and his wife are walking home one evening, and he's attacked by a guy with a knife. It looks like the attacker's going to kill him, but his wife saves the day by grabbing the attacker by the nuts and giving a good squeeze. What should he do to reward her for her valor?
a) Give her a great big kiss.b) Buy her a nice gift.c) Tell all his friends about how brave his wife is.d) Cut off her hand.
3. Some people move in next door. They seem nice, but upon inquiry, you find out that they aren't Christians. What is the appropriate response?
a) Treat them with kindness and compassion, because that's what the Bible says to do.b) Try to convert them to Christianity.c) Stone them to death.
4. Well, suppose there's an entire town where people aren't Christian. What should you do about them?
a) Let them be -- as long as they're not hurting anyone, they have the right to believe what they want.b) Try to convert them to Christianity.c) Kill them all.
5. Okay, we killed all the people in the non-Christian town. What should we do about their cattle?
a) What kind of stupid fucking question is this? Why should you do anything about the cattle?b) Kill them all.
6. You ask your kid to load the dishwasher, and he rolls his eyes and tells you to go to hell. What should you do?
a) Ground him.b) Withhold his allowance for the week.c) Stone him to death.
7. Someone treats you badly. How should you respond?
a) Forgive him.b) Turn the other cheek and let him hit that one, too.c) Laugh as you're smashing his children on a big rock.d) All of the above.
8. What should the punishment be for kids who make fun of a priest's bald head?
a) Nothing. Ignore it. Kids do that sort of stuff sometimes.b) Tell their parents and let them deal with it.c) Get some vicious bears to eat the children.d) Stone them to death.
9. As a good Christian American, can I own slaves?
a) What? Are you kidding? Owning slaves is inherently immoral! I don't care what your religion is!b) Yes, as long as they're Canadian.
10. How much authority does Lauren Boebert have to talk about the Bible, religion, and such matters?
a) Zero, because she has the IQ of a Pop-Tart.b) Zero, because someone as clearly sociopathic as she is has no standing to preach morality and ethics to anyone.c) Zero, because she's female.