The hair apparent

Just recently, there's been a claim making the rounds of social media sites by virtue of the "Forward," "Repost," and "Share" functions.  The original seems to have been written about a year and a half ago, but for some reason it's really been circulating in the last few weeks, which is odd given that it is composed of pure, unadulterated, USDA-Grade-A bullshit.

The claim?  That you shouldn't cut your hair (that includes facial hair, guys), because it's an "extension of your nervous system."

Naturally, we have to begin the whole thing with allegations that this critical information has been covered up by the government, because nothing is complete without a hint of conspiracy:

Our culture leads people to believe that hair style is a matter of personal preference, that hair style is a matter of fashion and/or convenience, and that how people wear their hair is simply a cosmetic issue. Back in the Viet Nam war however, an entirely different picture emerged, one that has been carefully covered up and hidden from public view. 

We then hear from "Sally" [name changed to protect privacy] whose [unnamed] husband worked as a psychologist for a VA hospital.  He uncovered something really strange in some reports of mysterious "government studies:"

Sally said, “I remember clearly an evening when my husband came back to our apartment on Doctor’s Circle carrying a thick official looking folder in his hands. Inside were hundreds of pages of certain studies commissioned by the government. He was in shock from the contents. What he read in those documents completely changed his life. From that moment on my conservative middle of the road husband grew his hair and beard and never cut them again. What is more, the VA Medical center let him do it, and other very conservative men in the staff followed his example. As I read the documents, I learned why.

It seems that during the Viet Nam War special forces in the war department had sent undercover experts to comb American Indian Reservations looking for talented scouts, for tough young men trained to move stealthily through rough terrain. They were especially looking for men with outstanding, almost supernatural, tracking abilities. Before being approached, these carefully selected men were extensively documented as experts in tracking and survival.

With the usual enticements, the well proven smooth phrases used to enroll new recruits, some of these Indian trackers were then enlisted. Once enlisted, an amazing thing happened. Whatever talents and skills they had possessed on the reservation seemed to mysteriously disappear, as recruit after recruit failed to perform as expected in the field.

Serious casualities [sic] and failures of performance led the government to contract expensive testing of these recruits, and this is what was found.

When questioned about their failure to perform as expected, the older recruits replied consistently that when they received their required military haircuts, they could no longer ‘sense’ the enemy, they could no longer access a ‘sixth sense’ , their ‘intuition’ no longer was reliable, they couldn’t ‘read’ subtle signs as well or access subtle extrasensory information.

This, we are told, is why "Indians keep their hair long."

But what is the science behind all of this?  Simple, they say; hair is actually a bunch of... nerves:

Each part of the body has highly sensitive work to perform for the survival and well being of the body as a whole. The body has a reason for every part of itself.

Hair is an extension of the nervous system, it can be correctly seen as exteriorized nerves, a type of highly-evolved ‘feelers’ or ‘antennae’ that transmit vast amounts of important information to the brain stem, the limbic system, and the neocortex.

Not only does hair in people, including facial hair in men, provide an information highway reaching the brain, hair also emits energy, the electromagnetic energy emitted by the brain into the outer environment. This has been seen in Kirlian photography when a person is photographed with long hair and then rephotographed after the hair is cut.

When hair is cut, receiving and sending transmissions to and from the environment are greatly hampered. This results in ‘numbing-out’.

Right!  Because highly complex cells, with nuclei and other organelles, and an intricate set of transport proteins, that are capable of sending and receiving electrical signals, are exactly the same thing as a bunch of dead strands of keratin.

In one sense -- one very limited sense -- they are correct.  Hairs on the skin do increase its sensitivity, and some animals (cats are an excellent example) use whiskers as tactile sensors.  But the idea that hair is acting as some kind of conduit for psychic energy is ridiculous.

And as for Kirlian photography, of course you get a different image if you remove someone's hair.  Kirlian photography is just a method for photographing the static electrical discharge from something (or someone) when you subject it (or him) to a high voltage at low current (the equivalent of a bad carpet shock).  Have you ever seen photographs of people who are holding on to a Van de Graaff generator?

This photograph would look completely different if she was bald.

And I suspect that the Dalai Lama might disagree with the statement that guys who are bald are "numbed out."

As for me, I have had long hair.  Really long, at one point in my life, like down to the middle of my back.  I also, at one point, had facial hair.  I did not notice a bit of difference in my Sensitivity To External Stimuli the day I simultaneously had my pony tail cut off, (and in fact, got what was damn near to a buzz cut) and shaved off all of my facial hair.  Mostly what I noticed is that getting ready for work in the morning took drastically less time, my head was cooler when the weather was hot, and I didn't have to deal with unmanageable snarls on windy days.  But I was no more in tune with "the Sixth Sense" when I had long hair than I am now (i.e. not at all), despite what all of the vague, uncited "government studies" allegedly show.

So that's our dose of pseudoscience for this morning.  Leaving your hair long so you can pick up, and broadcast, psychic signals.  I'd like to say that this will be the end of the discussion, but that may be a forlorn hope given that this article seems to be making the rounds (one Facebook link to it I saw had been "liked" over 5,000 times, and had hundreds of comments).  Be that as it may, I'm done discussing it, because I need to go take a shower and wash my nerve endings.

Shields up, captain!

Well, it was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

In the last few years, we've seen a surge in the number of claims that the government is engaging in clandestine high-tech mind control (and also weather modification, generation of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, and an X-Files-style collaboration with aliens to gain access to their evil technology).  With all of that nastiness happening, it's understandable that your average conspiracy theorist feels like a lamb amongst the wolves.

But not any more.  Now, if you are a TI ("Targeted Individual"), someone the government is harassing using HAARP and chemtrails and direct "voice to skull" experiments, there is help available.

Meet the QuWave Defender -- the first device ever invented specifically to protect you from all of this bad stuff.  Here's the sales pitch:

ARE YOU CONSTANTLY BEING:

• Treated like a Targeted Individual ?
• Attacked by Psychotronic Weapons ?
• Subjected to Psychic Attacks ?
• Subject to Remote Brain Manipulation ?
• Have you been chipped or implanted ?
• Subjected to Electronic Harassment ?
• Exposed to HAARP, ELF, Microwave beams ?
• Subject of Voice to Skull experiments ?
• Subjected to Remote Viewing & Visions ?
• Are you on a TI list being Monitored ?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you might be a Targeted Individual, and you might need the QuWave Defender. It can improve your life and make daily living bearable.

The QuWave Defender, the site says, uses "Scalar Waves and Solfeggio Energies to protect Targeted Individuals from Electronic Harassment & Psychotronic Attacks."

Whatever the hell that means.

Do you need a QuWave Defender?

Electronic Harassment and other forms of control are designed to leave targets feeling stressed out, disoriented, drowsy, helpless, and paranoid. Targets are left with no one to trust and no one to turn to. This form of harassment uses electronic weapons of various types to remotely torture, control, and physically harm Targeted Individuals over time.

There are a variety of means that are used remotely to harm and control the targeted individuals. Some of these techniques are: Microwave, Ultrasonic, Laser, and Acoustic weapons such as Voice to Skul [sic] (v2k, v-2-k), which are used remotely to cause a variety of effects on Targeted Individuals. Many victims find themselves implanted with microchips which have become too small for the human eye to see.

So, if you can't see a microchip, it means there's one there.

How does it work, though? I'm sure that's the question all of you are asking. Simple, the site says:

The QuWave "Defender" produces a Scalar Field specially tuned to protect your body & brain from “Psychotronic Attacks“ and Electronic Harassment from ELF, HAARP, Implants, Microwaves, etc. Also effective defense from Psychic Attacks, Remote Viewing/Manipulation, V2K, Mind Control, etc.

The Scalar Field interferes with external & internal negative harmful signals.

The Solfeggio Waves convert electronic and psychic attacks to positive energy and strengthen the human Bio-field.

By directly modulating a Scalar Wave with Solfeggio Frequencies, we are able to beam them directly to your sub-consciousness. Directly into your body/brain to restore natural balance, protection, and improve brain waves.

It works because it works! Science-y words! Scalar frequency waves! Psychotronic attacks! Stop asking questions!

I have to say, though, that every time they mention "solfeggio frequencies" I keep picturing the kids from The Sound of Music singing, "Do, a deer, a female deer, Re, a drop of golden sun..."

Oh, and I should mention at this juncture that they also claim that the QuWave Defender uses orgone energy, which (as far as I understand it) is some kind of universal life force that we all share, and that is released suddenly during orgasm.  And one of the benefits reported by "a certain percentage of QuWave Defender users (results may vary)" is "improved loving."  So there you are, then.

I picture what these machines supposedly do as being a little like the "shields" in Star Trek.  You can't see 'em, and but they're there, protecting you from all sorts of new and unusual threats.  Scotty can explain how they work, but his explanations don't mean anything, because three-quarters of the words he uses sound like they were made up on the spot.  ("Aye, captain, we've got the alpha subspace polarity oscillators runnin' at maximum gain, but the warp antimatter quantum fields are creatin' pulses of verdion rays, which is gonna make the x-5 Fleegman junctions blow out before the next commercial break if we don't do somethin'...")

Because, after all, ye canna change the laws o' physics.

If you're wondering, by now, how much these things cost, the answer is: a lot.  The "Personal Defender," which is small enough to put in your pocket or purse so you can carry it around with you, and even "wear it as a pendant," is $297.  The "Tabletop Defender," which looks a little like an iPad and is for protecting your home, is $499.  Plus, in both cases, shipping and handling.

You know, I have to admit some grudging admiration for these people.  You take an imaginary threat, but one that a lot of people have become convinced of, and then sell them a useless device to protect them from the imaginary threat.  It's brilliant, really.  And given how well the placebo effect works, I have no doubt that people will report positive results.  There is a whole page full of video testimonials, my favorite of which I quote in its entirety below:

Hi, I'm Chris McKim, and I recently purchased a Tabletop QuWave Defender from QuWave.  I have the Defender, the Personal Defender, and it worked pretty well, so I decided I was gonna try the Tabletop Defender.  And for the last two days, I have not heard a damn voice in my head.  It's the first time in about eight years, so that's a nice change of pace.  I'm actually thinking about cleaning my house for the first time in quite a while, I know that sounds kinda sketchy, but you know, when your life is shit, you don't give a fuck about where you're living.  Excuse my language.  But now I do, and I'm gonna clean my house.  I think I like it a lot.  The lights are on, and that tells me it's working.  See?  [holds up the device]  The lights are on, and that tells me it's working.  And best of all, the signs inside me are telling me it's working.  So, I highly recommend it.  You can return it if it doesn't work.  I hope you'll give it a try, because if it makes your life better, it's well worth it.  Especially if you buy both of them together, you get a good deal.  So, thanks for listening to me.  Bye-bye.

Well, with a scientifically-controlled study like that, who can argue?

Anyhow, that's our bit of woo-woo weirdness for today.  For the record, I'm not going to buy one.  I'm not feeling any particular need for protection from the voices in my head, and as far as I can tell I'm not being harassed by HAARP, psychotronic attack, microwave beams, or microchips.  Right now, the only one who is harassing me is my dog, who wants his breakfast, and I doubt that the "QuWave Defender" would do a damn thing to help me in that regard.

Saturday shorts

Well, it's Saturday, the beginning of the weekend, and here at Skeptophilia we're hard at work following three stories for your facepalming enjoyment.

First, we have an update from the bible-is-literally-true crowd.  Long-time readers of this blog may remember that back in 2011 we had an announcement from Donna D'Errico, former star of Baywatch, that she was going to be spearheading an expedition to Mount Ararat in Turkey to try to find Noah's Ark.  D'Errico's qualifications for leading the mission seem to be twofold: (1) she has dreamed of finding Noah's Ark since she was ten; and (2) she likes people to take videos of her.  The climb went off without a hitch, unless you count the fact that they didn't find Noah's Ark because it basically doesn't exist.

Of course, you shouldn't let a little thing like reality stand in the way of pursuing your dream, so D'Errico and her team are trying to launch another expedition, this time using a Kickstarter project to fund it.

Even if she gets the money -- and when I looked, she'd raised $2,900 of the $10,000 she's asking for -- she'll still have a rough time ahead, she says.

In a quote I swear I am not making up, D'Errico wrote on her Kickstarter page, "To get to the area where we believe the ark is located, we will have to climb using ropes, traverse cliffs, circumvent rock slides, avoid mountain rebels, survive blinding blizzards, and fend off vicious sheepdogs."

As far as objections to the entire Great Flood story, and how anyone could believe it was true unless they had the IQ of a grapefruit, D'Errico says that it's completely logical.

"If you do the math, the total cubic volume inside the ark would have been roughly 1.5 million cubic feet," she told The Huffington Post by email. "That’s the equivalent of 569 modern railroad stock cars. The average stock car can accommodate 240 sheep, which would have been the average size animal on the ark.  Keep in mind that the Bible did not say two of every species, but rather two of every kind. That means that one feline kind, rather than every species of feline, would have been taken aboard the ark.  Smaller animals would have been kept in cages that could stack on top of each other. As few as 2,000 animal kinds could have been taken aboard the ark, which would have resulted in all of the species we have today."

Right.  2,000 "animal kinds" resulting in 15 million species in 5,000 years (give or take).  Not to mention the fact that the entire Earth being covered in salt water would have killed all of the plants.  Not to mention the wee problem of bringing, for example, the wombats back to Australia after the waters receded.  Nor the problem of where exactly the waters receded to.

But other than that, it's completely logical.


Speaking of not being in touch with reality, we have a story in from Poland that there is going to be a meeting of exorcists soon.  On the agenda: discussing the threat of Madonna.

You would think that, given that these people apparently believe that the world is being besieged by evil supernatural emissaries of Satan who are trying to destroy our souls, they would have more pressing issues to discuss than a 54-year-old has-been pop star.

You would be wrong.

"Part of the conference is dedicated to the hidden subliminal message in communication, and the choice of this subject was inspired by the woman who dares to call herself Madonna," said Father Andrzej Grefkowic, a trained exorcist who is one of the organisers of the conference.  "We've been worried about her concerts."

Well, one of the reasons that Madonna dares to call herself that is that it's her actual name.  And I don't know how "subliminal" you can call her message, given that she once staged a mock crucifixion at one of her shows.  But okay, I can grant them that she pisses off Catholics with great regularity.

Other things that Grefkowic et al. will be discussing are how the increasing popularity of tattoos and body piercings represent a means of ingress for the devil into people's lives.  But as I've discussed before, this is rather thin ice for me personally, so perhaps I'd better just move on.


If you're not in the mood for discussing the evils of pop stars, but you'd still like to find out about the bizarre side of religion, perhaps you should sign up for the "Defending the Faith" cruise sponsored by Catholic Answers.  This holy voyage will be from November 2 - November 9 of this year, and besides some of the usual shipboard activities (a pool, a rock-climbing wall, an ice skating rink, a spa, a nightclub, and several bars) there will be talks, lectures, and panel discussions on Catholic apologetics, not to mention daily Mass.

In particular -- and they must feel it's important because it was quoted on the front page -- Catholic Answers Director of Development Christopher Check will be giving an interesting talk.  "On the cruise, I’ll be defending the Church against the charges that the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition are events for which we Catholics need to apologize," Check writes.

Now, I'm a staunch believer in the idea that no one is responsible for bad things his or her ancestors did (or should bask in the glory of good things they did, either, for that matter).  But the Catholic Church, which just recently issued a 400-year-too-late apology for placing Galileo under house arrest for the remainder of his life for publicly stating that the Earth went around the Sun, really does have a lot to answer for as an institution.  And it's reprehensible that Check and his comrades seem to be claiming that the Catholic Church at the time was acting within its rights to launch people off to "reclaim the Holy Land" from innocent people who had lived there for generations, and to torture and execute thousands for heresy and witchcraft.

But if that sort of thing is your cup of tea, have at it.  Failing that, you can go to Poland and discuss the most recent depredations of Madonna.  Or go to Turkey and join Donna D'Errico in an expedition to once again not find Noah's Ark.  If you believe this stuff, there are thousands of pointless activities you can participate in!  Me, I think I'll stay home and weed the garden.  And frankly, it seems like in doing so I'll accomplish a great deal more toward improving the world.

Poe's Law, chemtrails, and dying angels

Yesterday I ran into a site that is either the most extreme example of conspiracy theory insanity I've seen, or else one of the best examples of Poe's Law ever created.  I'm leaning toward the latter, especially given that the site's name is Hard Dawn (say it fast and you'll get it; a hint is that one of their links is titled, "How Should I Punish My Son for Masturbating?").

But an even better story is one titled "Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails to Poison the Angels in Heaven?"

In it, readers find out that we militant atheists have another agenda, besides seducing your women and bewitching your children (those are givens, after all):

Yet another theory that has been gaining traction and deserves serious consideration is that America’s massive science-industrial complex is attempting a most dangerous experiment. Since Lyndon Johnson’s presidency, we have seen a grave movement towards science-based strategic thinking in all forms of national policy. Whole swathes of government have been taken over by academic PhDs with an intense obsession with scientism. From the National Science Board to the Department of Education, from NASA to the National Institute of Standards, a powerful cadre of elite intellectuals is seizing control. A common thread amongst these activist bureaucrats is a love of science over God...

So what is at the heart of this secret society of globalist atheism? One of their most significant concerns is the power of Faith. They despise the Glory of Jesus and the hope that He brings to countless Americans. The atheists are so insanely dedicated to their obscene cult they will try just about anything to destroy every remnant of Christian Love on this earth. As this sickening obsession was wed to advances in aerial spraying technology in the last century, one can surmise the evil compound that resulted. In this formula, it seems quite logical that the atheist’s next step would be to attempt the widespread murder of Jesus’s very Heavenly Agents of Love.

Angels. They are much more than a Christian bedtime story. They are much more than the sweet flutterings in the ears of believers. Angels are quite literally the factory workers of faith. They are tireless and everywhere. They accomplish innumerable feats, from minor pangs of guilt to the throbbing passions of love. The angels are there to guide us, to inspire us and, ultimately, to remind us of our obligation to Jesus. The fly through the air at His beckoning. They are gentle and ever willing. We would be far less human and humane were it not for the angels. And that is exactly why atheists fear the power of angels.

Atheists shake with contempt at the thought of love and decency. Their whole lives are dedicated to nothingness, to the gaping void of pain that nihilism defines. Indeed, atheists love pain. They love pain in their sexual rituals, in their drug addictions and in their secret globalist power schemes. Why do we have war? It’s the atheists who spread contempt of God and invite such reckless notions of communism and Islam.

Will Atheistic Science Annihilate Love and Prayer?

As secret atheist scientists in government pursue their goals of undermining Jesus in America, it only stands to reason that they would take their battle to the skies. The aerial dogfight is likely a vicious one. Who knows what advances they have made since the days of DDT and Agent Orange. Yet fight on they do, every single day! Our heavens are coated in a thick aerosol haze of spiritual hate and this nation’s faith is sinking.

 I have only one thing to add to all of this:

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *falls off chair*

Now, let me be up front that I think this is satire.  It's damn good satire, but still.  However, what makes my laughter ring a little hollow is the fact that this post had, when I looked at it, over three hundred comments... and most of those strike me as serious.

Really serious.  Like they believe this article.  Like they believe it vehemently enough to take action.  Here's a sampler, or at least as many as I could copy before I felt my IQ dropping down toward a level more commonly associated with shoe sizes.  Spelling and grammar are as written:

It would be just like Obama and his Nazi Muslim agenda to try to do soemthing like this.  When they elected him all thereal Americans with any sense knew what he was.  Now we're seeing the results.

Its going to be war in Heaven and war on earth.  Gods time is at hand.  Trust your soul to Jesus or die in agony!

Weather modification has been practiced for decades.  How do you think Katrina came about?  And Sandy?  You think those are NATURAL EVENTS?  Wake up!

The whole government is in secret run by the Illuminati with their atheist agenda to replace worshiping GOD with worshiping a manmade institution.  This is the Beast that was fortold in the Book of Revelation.  We have created the Beast.  It runs on money and spews out poison.  Is it any wonder that their trying to take away our guns?  The first step is disarm the citizens.  After that you can do anything you want and no one can stop you.

You will know them by their works.  Jesus weeps to see what you have done!

I... um... yeah.  Please reassure me that none of these people know where I live?

I guess that's the danger with satire, as I've pointed out before.  Even broad-brush satire, from a source that is well known to be satirical (such as The Onion), has fooled people (Xinhua and Pravda have both been bitten on the ass by Poe's Law, not once but several times).

But what's frightening is to think that there are people who are so angry, fearful, and indoctrinated that they would read an article like this, and think it was true.  Makes you wonder what else they're capable of, doesn't it?  It's a dangerous combination: a belief that the word of god is being subverted, a feeling of being in mortal danger, and a target group whom they have been brainwashed into thinking is responsible.  Not so far off from what the Nazis convinced people of, is it?

So, that's our dip in the deep end of the pool for this morning, which started out being funny and ended up being not so funny after all.  As for me, I'm going to get myself together and go canoeing.  I am not, for the record, going to attend any Secret Atheist Global Domination Meetings or engage in any Depraved Sexual Pain Rituals.  Canoeing, frankly, sounds more fun than either one of these.

UPDATE:  Apparently since last night, the Hard Dawn site has changed to being password-protected.  The site had been linked on the r/atheism subreddit, and perhaps the traffic was becoming too high.  But isn't that a little odd, if it is satire?  Wouldn't the writers of a satirical website be thrilled to have a sudden jump in their hit rate?  Hmmm.

ANOTHER UPDATE:  The site not only made r/atheism, it also made P. Z. Myers' wonderful blog Pharyngula.  Check out Myers' take on the website here.

The crypto zoo

This morning I was perusing my usual round of woo-woo websites when I came across a story called "Is this the Ohio Grassman?"  It featured the following photograph:

Turns out some guys from The Appalachian Investigators of Mysterious Sightings recently caught the image on a game camera, and it became the subject of an episode of Destination America: Mountain Monsters.

Well, first, I'd never heard of the television series, which isn't all that odd, because (1) I don't watch television, and (2) new series about paranormal stuff crop up every week, sort of like crabgrass in my garden only less appealing.  But more surprising was that I hadn't heard of the Grassman either, despite my rather guilty fascination with cryptozoology since I was a teenager.

So I decided to do some research on the Grassman, which led me to his Wikipedia page, wherein I learned that the Grassman is basically a shaggy subspecies of Bigfoot that lives near Akron, Ohio, and whose "main food source is wheat grass" but who "also enjoys eating small dogs such as poodles."

I guess you have to get your protein somewhere.

So while I was on the Grassman's Wikipedia page, I scrolled down, and found a link that said "List of Cryptids."   Naturally, I had to go there, figuring that if I'd missed the Ohio Grassman I might have missed others.

Boy, did that turn out to be an understatement.

Turns out there's a whole petting zoo's worth of cryptids that I didn't know about.  Here's a sampler:

• The Adjule of North Africa, a giant type of wild dog
• The Agogwe of East Africa, a small bipedal forest hominin
• The Ahool of Indonesia, a giant flying pterodactyloid cryptid
• The Akkorokamul of Thailand, a giant squidlike thing (sort of a Southeast Asian Cthulhu clone)
• The Almas of the Caucasus Mountains, a Sasquatch sort
• The Altamahaha of Georgia (the American Georgia), an enormous river monster
• The Amomongo of the Philippines, a huge forest ape
• The Aswang of the Philippines, a vampiric shape-shifting beast
• The Arica Monster of Chile, a velociraptor
• The Ayia Napa Sea Monster of Cyprus, a sea serpent

I hadn't heard of any of those, and those are just the A's.  And each one has its own Wikipedia page, wherein you can find out about its habits, range, behavior, and natural history.  (I found it amusing that the "status" for each of these was listed as "unconfirmed."  Well, duh.  Once it's confirmed, it's no longer a "cryptid," just an "animal.")

All of this just highlights some things that I've noted before: 

(1) Humans have excellent imaginations. 

(2) It's easy to mistake one thing for another -- for example, a bat for a pterodactyl.  Especially at night, and especially when you've been drinking. 

(3) There are some odd critters out there, and it is possible that some of these things are real.  But to accept that, I would need better evidence than a blurry photograph.  I know how to take blurry photographs myself, and I know how easily they can be digitally manipulated -- i.e., faked.  However, it must be said that the sheer number of different cryptid claims is so high that it seems unlikely in the extreme that all, or even most, of them are true.

So, anyway, that's our cryptozoological report for the day, along with a suggestion of further reading.  If you go through all the Wikipedia links for all of the cryptids, it'll take you a while, so I suggest you get yourself a nice big cup of coffee and get right on that.   Let me know which ones strike your fancy -- there are some real contenders, here, such as the "Flatwoods Monster" of Braxton County, West Virginia, which is described as follows:

Most agree that it was at least 10 feet tall and that it had a red face which appeared to glow from within, and a green body. Witnesses described the creature's head as having bulging, non-human eyes and as either being shaped like a heart, or as having a large heart shaped cowling behind it. The creature's body was described as being man-shaped and clad in a dark pleated skirt; later described as being green. Some accounts record that the creature had no visible arms, while others describe it as having short, stubby arms; ending in long, claw-like fingers, which protruded from the front of its body.

I don't know how you can beat a ten-foot-tall red-faced bulgy-eyed monster with claws, wearing a pleated skirt.  But that's just me.

See the violence inherent in the system!

Yesterday I ran across an article on the bizarre website The Mind Unleashed that is mostly interesting for what it says about scientists.

Called "Suppressed Scientific Evidence Proves Free Energy Source Dating Back 25,000 Years," the majority of the article is just the usual tired old claptrap about pyramids concentrating Quantum Wave Frequency Vibration Oscillation Resonance Energies, or something like that.  As usual, it's hard to tell exactly what they are saying, because rigorous analysis is something woo-woos avoid like the plague.  We're not given any actual evidence, of course; we're just treated to passages like this one:

[Author Phillip Coppens said,] “The pyramids are proof that our ancestors knew and worked with an energy technology that we are now finally able to measure, but are still short of fully understanding.” Coppens along with Klaus Dona of Austria and dozens of speakers attended the International Conference Bosnia Pyramid in Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina which is held annually to release findings to the public.

[Archaeologist Dr. Sam] Osmanagich has had a host of experts in various fields come to see his Bosnian pyramids, and measure anomalies associated with them. They have included the noted British scientist and inventor Harry Oldfield, who used a special camera system to photograph alleged electromagnetic (EM) waves in the vicinity of Visocica Hill.

So there's nothing really new here in terms of actual data.  But what caught my attention was the way the author claimed that scientists are suppressing this information, out of some sort of misplaced loyalty to the status quo:

Overwhelming evidence, supported by scientific research from all over the archaeological community proves that our recorded history is wrong concerning turn changes [sic] religion, science and academics... Prominent archaeologists have attempted smear campaigns on Dr. Osmanagich’s work out of fear of how the impact of his discoveries will make on their own work...

Is it possible that the fossil fuel based energy system we now rely on could have been prevented if inventor Nikola Tesla’s work on free energy hadn’t been suppressed? Why did the FBI seize his papers upon his death? Tesla’s (1856-1943) patented free energy methods were rejected due to their inability to be metered and monetized. “We urgently need to change our mistaken point of view that our ancestors were stupid and accept that they had an advanced understanding of the fabric of nature and the universe, just like Nikola Tesla, whose ideas were suppressed as they did not and do not fit in the reigning model,” states Phillip Coppens, author and investigative journalist.

My first thought upon reading this was: do you know any actual scientists?  Because it sure as hell sounds like you've never met one.

Let's consider the following scenario.  A physicist, working in a lab, runs an experiment and finds that her data seems to indicate that there are exceptions to the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics -- that you can, in fact, create energy from nothing.  Such a finding, if verified, would overturn all of physics as we know it.  So said physicist shows a few of her colleagues, the experiment is repeated, and lo and behold, it seems to be true.  What does she do?

1)  She writes a paper on it, urging other physicists to test her results and see if it can be explained.

2)  She doesn't tell anyone, because the Laws of Thermodynamics are laws, dammit.  You get in serious trouble for breaking laws.  Besides, we can't have any challenges to the pre-existing paradigm!  This is science!

I hope the answer is obvious.  If there really was evidence that any of the hitherto-accepted laws of physics were wrong, scientists would be trampling each other to death trying to get to the grant money first.  Doing groundbreaking research is how careers are made.  It's how Nobel Prizes are won.  The idea that scientists would avoid doing something edgy because they love the theories they already have is ridiculous.

Consider what happened when the scientists at CERN found what appeared to be a neutrino traveling faster than the speed of light.  Did they suppress the evidence, because (after all) you can't challenge Einstein?  Of course not.  They wrote a paper, issued a press release, and asked all of the qualified physicists in the world to try to explain the data.  As it turned out, the analysis seems to support a flaw in the data.  Einstein was vindicated again, not because anyone was engaged in a repressive campaign of Silence the Dissenters, but because the original analysis was wrong.

That's the problem here, isn't it?  There's no actual evidence that "Free Energy" exists (at least not in the sense that these people mean; "free energy," lower case, is a real scientific term, but it doesn't mean the something-for-nothing nonsense that the woo-woos are so fond of).  Throwing around Nikola Tesla's name isn't going to make these claims correct.  It's much easier to rant about a hidebound and oppressive scientific establishment than it is to do any actual science.  And as for the scientists who are criticizing the work of people like Sam Osmanagich as unscientific, hand-waving, poorly-executed rubbish, I'm sorry -- they're simply right.

Having your ideas criticized does not mean you're being repressed.  That's how science works.  And as for the researchers mentioned in this article, who claim that no one believes them -- if you can't deal with being challenged, with being asked for hard evidence for your claims, you're probably in the wrong field.

The grave's a fine and private place...

This morning we have a story in from the lovely country of Thailand, where a woman from Phuket wants someone to get rid of ghosts who insist on having sex in her house.

46-year-old Onanong Waltham made a public appeal for help at the Phuket Press Club last week.  Accompanied by her housemate, Sujitraporn Tephabutra, Ms. Waltham told the story of what she's been enduring from her horny spectral neighbors.

"I keep hearing moaning sounds in my house.  It sounds like people making love," she said.  "Also, late at night, my phone rings and I answer it, but all I hear is a man’s voice saying he wants to make love to me. When I call back the number, I get some guy in Rayong province."

Understandably perturbed by all of this, Ms. Waltham filed a complaint with the Chalong Police.  "They came to my house and even heard the same noises, but they couldn’t find where the sounds were coming from.  I don't know what to do."

Not knowing what to do didn't stop her from seeking out help from local woo-woos, however.  "I have even seen a mor doo [a local soothsayer] and a spirit medium for advice, but nothing seems to have helped. I now think that someone is using black magic on me," she said.  "If anyone thinks they can make the noises stop, please contact the Press Club at 076-244 047 or email phuketreporter@gmail.com."

Well, I must say that I've heard a lot of weird stories, but this is a new one.  While I've heard many claims of ghostly voices, and even listened to a few recordings alleged to be spectral speech (for the record, none of which convinced me), I've never heard of anyone complaining of ghosts making sex noises.  So I decided to Google "ghosts having sex" to see if I could find any other instances of phantoms fooling around.

This may have been a mistake.

Of course there are other instances of this.  Lots of them.  You'd think, after years of writing this blog, that I'd have figured out that if you come up with a ridiculous idea, so ridiculous that you think, "No one could possibly believe this," there will not only be people who believe it fervently, there will be a Facebook page devoted to it.  There will be a Wikipedia page on the topic.  There will be an entirely serious article by a "spiritual intuitive" that explores the question of why ghosts still, apparently, need to get off every once in a while.  There will be an interview with an Ohio woman who claims that not only has she seen ghosts having sex, she has the photographs to prove it.  There will be a pop star who will one-up that by saying that she has actually had sex with a ghost herself.  ("I don't know his name," she said.)  There will be a how-to page if you'd like to find out how to summon a ghost to have sex with.

All of this leaves me wanting to weep softly and bang my head on my desk.

I mean, really.  There's nothing whatsoever wrong with enjoying a nice roll in the hay.  I'm hardly a prude, or anything.  And if you believe in the afterlife, well, I guess there's also nothing wrong with some speculation regarding whether that particular part of life will continue once you've shuffled off this mortal coil.  But I have the feeling that for some of these folks, this speculation has crossed the line from idle curiosity to a mild mental illness.

The 17th century English poet Andrew Marvell wrote a lovely poem called "To His Coy Mistress," which was summed up by a friend of mine as (pardon the obscenity) "Life's short, let's fuck."  (It really is a beautiful poem, despite its being one long plea for a hot hook-up.)  In it, he penned the lines, "The grave's a fine and private place/ But none, I think, do there embrace."  I guess Marvell might have reconsidered his position had he met some of the people involved in the links I posted above.  If you're horny, maybe there's no rush.

Maybe there's a lot of time.  Maybe an eternity.

Or maybe these people are just loons.  I know that's my vote.