It's a twist on the old maxim that two heads are better than one. You get several wackos in the same room, all throwing around ideas, and what they come up with is a synergistic explosion of weirdness, far more wonderful than anything they could have come up with working independently.
Take, for example, this article, entitled "Brown Dwarf Star Flyby: Estimated Maximal Earth Impact June-July 2013," written by none other than Skeptophilia frequent flyer Alfred Lambremont Webre. Webre, you may recall, is the one who said the Earth would be bombarded by "4th dimensional energy" on November 11, 2011. This would cause the Earth's axis to shift by 90 degrees, meaning that we'd all evolve. Apparently it would also mean that we'd have to get used to having "4th dimensional sex."
For the record, I'm not making any of this up.
Well, now Webre has teamed up with a variety of other contenders for the Nobel Prize in Wingnuttery, including:
- Andrew Basiago, who claims that he ran into President Obama on Mars
- Courtney Brown, an expert in remote viewing
- Marshall Masters, an "expert on Nibiru"
But the foursome of Webre, Basiago, Brown, and Masters did pretty well without her, I have to admit. Here are a few gems from the article I linked above:
- A brown dwarf star will make a close pass to Earth in summer of 2013, causing great distress to those few of us who survive the Mayan apocalypse.
- This brown dwarf star is also the Planet Nibiru, or, as the scientists refer to it in their scholarly papers, "The Lost Star of Time and Myth."
- Actual astronomers can't see this object coming, because the government has hidden it from sight using chemtrails.
- When the dwarf star passes by, it could be a hazard to Earth because of "electrical discharges between our Sun and the brown dwarf star."
- We have some idea of how bad this event is going to be because Basiago, Brown, and other remote viewers, using a device called a "chronovisor," looked into the future and saw that the Supreme Court building is going to be under 100 feet of water.
- However, other remote viewers said that we have only a 39% chance of our future timeline being "catastrophic." A full 29% said it would be "non-catastrophic." Presumably the other 32% just said, "Meh."
- The Global Seed Vault on the island of Svalbard is not a research facility devoted to preserving plant biodiversity; it's actually a huge underground shelter that will host two million Norwegians when Nibiru comes, leaving the rest of us to die horrible deaths. Of course, given that then the two million survivors will then be stuck on a godforsaken island above the Arctic Circle, I kind of think I'd rather just let Nibiru take its best shot at me.
- Basiago, however, did say that these predictions might not come to pass. The chronovisor, which was "developed by two Vatican scientists in conjunction with Enrico Fermi," might be showing "an alternate time line that does not show up on our timeline" coming from "somewhere else in the multiverse." Which makes me think he's been spending too much time watching reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
- Webre, on the other hand, says that we can make sure we have a safe flyby if all of us work together to create an "intention vortex" to create "proactive consciousness" and keep the brown dwarf star from doing bad stuff. Because of course we all know how much our thoughts and prayers alter the laws of physics.
But I think there are still some unexplored avenues, here. Me, I think we should have the whole gang collaborate. Dirk vander Ploeg and Nick Redfern could throw in some stuff about Bigfoot. James van Praagh could get in touch with Great Aunt Mildred and find out if she can give us any advice from the afterlife. Alex Collier and Paul Hellyer could call in some UFOs to pick up the survivors. David Icke could wind it all up with a two-hour-long talk about how the government is covering the whole thing up.
It'd be a party!