In the current regime here in the United States there are places of employment where people in same-sex relationships aren't allowed to display photographs of their partners, or even mention them. "It's okay, I guess, as long as no one knows who you actually are," is the general gist. There seems to be a real fear that just being around openly queer people will cause straight men and women to switch teams. But really -- do you honestly think that's how all this works? I mean, think about it. Some one hundred percent straight guy finds out his coworker is gay, and suddenly gets this dazed look on his face and says, "I shall go out and kiss a man immediately"? Seriously?
After all, it's not like it works the other way, is it? As a teenager I was exposed to dozens, probably hundreds, of books, movies, and television shows depicting couples in straight relationships, and not a single one about queer people, and I turned out queer anyhow. Funny thing, that.
Almost like it's inborn and hardwired, or something.
The result of this mindset is that we not only have to deal with out-and-out homophobia, but a whole array of attitudes that don't wish us active harm, but just would prefer it if we were invisible. Take, for example, the article about a monument built by Alexander the Great for his lover Hephaestion I just stumbled on a couple of days ago.
There, I said it, didn't I? They were lovers. Alexander was either gay or bisexual, and he was deeply in love with Hephaestion. They were described as "one soul inhabiting two bodies" by Aristotle, who knew both men well. Their relationship was compared more than once to that of Achilles and Patroclus, which is not exactly a chaste allusion. Plutarch recounts that they paid a visit to the tombs of the two Greek heroes, where Alexander garlanded Achilles's tomb and Hephaestion Patroclus's -- then ran a race, naked, in their honor.
Totally straight behavior, that, right?
Of course right.
Then there's the incident -- also related by Plutarch -- where Alexander allowed Hephaestion to read something he'd written but wanted to remain secret, and to symbolize this touched his signet ring to Hephaestion's lips. The moment has been depicted many times in art:
Alexander Touches His Ring to Hephaestion's Mouth by Johann Heinrich Tischbein (1781) [Image is in the Public Domain]
When Hephaestion died suddenly of what was probably typhus in Ecbatana (now in Iran) in 324 B.C.E., Alexander was inconsolable. The historian Arrian says that upon seeing Hephaestion dead, Alexander "flung himself on the body of his friend and lay there nearly all day long in tears, and refused to be parted from him until he was dragged away by force by his companions."
Oh, what good friends they were.
Alexander commissioned a massive tomb in Hephaestion's honor at Amphipolis in Macedonia -- the Kastas Tomb -- which is the subject of the article I linked above. [Nota bene: Alexander didn't live to see it completed; he died himself the following year of uncertain causes.] The tomb is filled with symbolic representations of the spiritual and physical bonds of love, and the hope for being reunited in the afterlife.
Despite all this, when the two were depicted as lovers in the 2004 film Alexander, there was an outcry that "Oliver Stone turned Alexander the Great gay!" and how dare they depict this heroic figure as perhaps having same-sex attraction. It's apparently hard for some people to imagine that a guy could be a brilliant king and military leader, and still be queer.
What's striking, though, is that there's a much more subtle aspect of this, beyond the predictable snarling from the overt homophobes. What I noticed about the archaeology article was that never once was it explicitly mentioned that Alexander and Hephaestion might have had a sexual relationship. Throughout, they're referred to as "friends" or "confidants" or "companions;" the closest the writer comes is saying that they clearly had a "strong emotional bond" and that the tomb is a "tribute to love and loyalty."
Why the hell are they afraid of saying it? I mean, if you want to err on the side of caution, at least admit that it was possible.
Apparently even that is a bridge too far.
It's all part and parcel of the "don't ask, don't tell" mentality, isn't it? "We're fine as long as we can pretend you queer people don't exist and never have." Well, allow me to point out that this, too, is homophobia. I spent decades in the closet out of fear and shame from this kind of thinking. And, straight readers, if you don't think this is damaging, I want you to imagine what it would be like if your employer told you that you must never mention you are in an opposite-sex relationship. Oh, it's fine, as long as no one knows. Don't bring your spouse or significant other to the company picnic, don't be seen holding hands in public, don't have a photograph of you as a couple on your desk.
Now imagine if your government was saying the same thing.
Yes, I know that there are places in the world that have it much worse, where being openly queer can get you imprisoned, tortured, or executed. But we here in the west need to keep in mind that there are ways to oppress people that are subtler and more insidious. How is this sort of thing any different from putting Jews, Romani, and Blacks (just to name three of many groups this has happened to) in a position where they feel like they have to hide who they are in order to "pass?"
If you think that's wrong, then so is this.
I'm out publicly, so it's far too late for me to hide even if I wanted to. But honestly -- I wouldn't go back to being invisible even if I could. All those terrified years did a lot of damage to me emotionally, damage I doubt I'll ever completely heal from (and that's not even counting the regrets over the richer, more honest life I could have had). To make it clear, I'm not unhappy where I am today; despite all I've been through, I've arrived at a good place.
I just wish I'd had a happier past, is all.
And I will continue to speak out against this kind of straightwashing. Because it not only is an inaccurate view of history, but does damage to queer people right now. I've often wondered if there had been honest, positive depictions of LGBTQ+ people in the fiction and nonfiction I read as a teen, maybe I'd have come out as bi when I realized it (age fifteen or so) rather than hiding for another forty years. Maybe I still wouldn't have, I dunno; southern Louisiana in the seventies wasn't exactly a congenial place for people who were different, and I'm honestly not a very brave person.
But if by speaking out, I can help other people who are still in the closet -- well, don't expect me to shut up. It's the least I can do after maintaining my own personal silence for four very long decades.
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