Canine chakra cleansing

After having dealt, in the last few days, with problems with the oversight of public education, the ongoing effort to force the teaching of Intelligent Design in biology classrooms, and the attitudes of the religious toward atheists, it's time to turn to a much more pressing issue, to wit: Do dogs have chakras?

Chakras, you may know, are "energy flow centers" in your body, and are connected with the "meridians" that are the basis of a lot of alt-med modalities, including acupuncture, reflexology, and tapping.  The idea, apparently, is that human diseases are caused by having clogged chakras.

The Skeptic's Dictionary says about chakras, "According to kundalini yoga, a chakra (pronounced chuckrah and meaning wheel or circle in Sanskrit) is a center of prana or energy. It is said that there are several of these that begin at the base of the spine and end at the top of the head... The alleged energy of the chakras is not scientifically measurable, though some have tried to connect the chakras with physical organs such as the pineal gland and the thymus."  The wonderful site Skeptics South Australia is blunter still: "The fact that, even amongst so-called ‘chakra experts’ there are so many different opinions as to their numbers, and locations, strongly suggests that chakras exist only in the imagination of believers, that they are nothing more than a metaphysical belief that has no substance in reality."

Now, of course, we should never let a little matter like whether something actually exists stop us from blathering on about how it might manifest in other species.  Which brings us to an inadvertently hilarious article on the site The Blissful Dog called, "Dogs Have Chakras, Too!"

The chakras can have various levels of activity. When they’re open, balanced or aligned the Chakras are considered working as they should. Ideally, all chakras would be balanced. Instincts would work with our feelings and thinking. However, this is usually not the case. Some chakras are not open enough (being under-active), and to compensate, other chakras are over-active. The ideal state is where the chakras are completely balanced. This is as true for your dogs as it is for you! Especially since they pick up and take on so many of our emotions.

Mostly what my dogs seem to pick up is dropped food, but maybe that's just because their TableScraps Chakra is over-active.

Then we hear about how despite Skeptics South Australia's pointing out that hardly anyone agrees about where these mysterious (i.e. nonexistent) forces reside, everyone really agrees, especially with regards to dogs:

Most agree that there are seven major Chakras and for simplicity’s sake, we will work with that system for now for our dogs. I do feel that additional Chakras are located in their paws, tails (or tail area) and in their noses, in my humble opinion and will share information as I gather it.

 
One specific example will suffice, but I strongly recommend that you go to the website and read them all.  I will not be responsible for damage to your computer screen if you are drinking anything while you do so:

Third Eye Chakra – Color: Indigo Stone/Crystal: Sapphire, tourmaline, sapphire, sodalite, azurite and clear quartz. The Third Eye chakra is about insight and visualisation. When it is open and balanced, your dog will be intuitive and well balanced between the world of people and that of dogs. If it is under-active, your dog will not be not very good at thinking for herself, and you [sic] may tend to rely on you too much and might even get confused easily.

This clearly sounds like the problem with my dog Grendel, who is very well-meaning but who seems to have about three active synapses in his brain, two of which are devoted to the concept of "Let's play tug-of-war with this rope toy."  He is a very sweet dog, but his facial expression can best be summed up by the word, "Derp?"  I guess I'd better balance his Third Eye using sapphire, or something.

So, the important question is: what do you do for your dog if his chakras are unbalanced?  Turns out it's simple:

Your dog may fit some of the patterns discussed above and you want your beloved one to be BALANCED! There are a few things you can do quite easily… You can also spend more time alone, in a quiet space with your dog. Pet them, even a brief massage and just concentrate on THEM for 10-15 minutes a day. This can be pretty miraculous in itself…the intention is the focus, isn’t it?

Well, I'm sure that both my dogs would be completely in favor of that.  Petting could happen for 24 hours a day, and they would both still be of the opinion that it was Insufficient To Meet Their Needs.

But this all raises a more important question: if dogs have chakras (The Blissful Dog says, "... why not?  They are energetic beings!"), do other animals?  Does a cockroach have chakras?  How about a tapeworm?  Or a jellyfish?  Doing acupuncture on a jellyfish sounds downright messy.  What about possums?  I'll be damned if I'll give a possum a massage.  Those things creep me right the hell out.  They're just going to have to continue to waddle around the back yard with misaligned meridians.

So, anyhow, the bottom line is: spend more time petting your dog.  This is actually good advice, even if you take the whole chakra thing out of it.  I know when I have a hard day, it always makes me feel better to sit on the floor and snuggle with Grendel for a while.  And it always warms my heart when, after I've spent some time scratching his ears, he looks up at me with a searching expression in his big brown eyes, as if to say, "Hey, rope-toy?  Whatcha think, huh?  Derp?"

Living on light

When is a claim so bizarre that it deserves to be dismissed out of hand?

The fair answer is "never."  If we were to use a "common sense about how the world works" approach to decide what claims don't even merit an experiment, scientists would probably never have discovered quantum entanglement (for example).  Still, I think there are times when laws of science have been so well established, have been verified in such a myriad of ways, that anyone who says they've discovered an exception probably deserves nothing more than a dismissive laugh.  (This probably explains why the United States Patent Office will no longer even read submissions for designs for perpetual motion machines.)

All of which brings us to a 65 year old spiritualist named "Naveena" who claims she is living on nothing but light for nourishment.

Naveena does drink water, tea, and (most importantly) coffee, because let's face it; you just can't get that warm morning buzz from gulping down rays of sunlight.

She's not the first to make such a claim.  There's an Indian yogi named Prahlad Jani who claims he hasn't eaten or drunk anything in seventy years.  He allows himself to "dip in water" and sometimes "gargle," but he doesn't swallow.  Ever.  Another, who calls herself "Jasmuheen" but whose legal name is Ellen Greve, is an Australian who wrote a book called Pranic Nourishment: Living on Light.  Jasmuheen participated in a test of her claims, which had to be discontinued after 48 hours because she was on the verge of going into shock from dehydration.  About four of her followers who died, she denies all responsibility, and in fact said about one, "(Lani) Morris was not coming from a place of integrity and did not have the right motivation."

So now Naveena is going to try the same thing.  Maybe her "motivation and integrity" are better.

"As early as 1910 Richard Steiner, scientist and philosopher, proclaimed that 'Matter is Condensed Light.'  Breatharians, Sun-gazers and Yogis have claimed the capacity to 'Live On Light' for centuries but without hard evidence their claims have been dismissed and ridiculed," Naveena said in a press release last week.

Yes, well, Steiner may have said that, but basically, he's wrong.  We now have this thing that explains the properties of matter and energy, and how they interact.  It's called "physics."  Recommended that you take a course or two in it.

Of course, she admits that things might not work out for her.

"Since death is what normally occurs when a person does not eat food, she warns people not to try this," her press release stated.  "It might be untrue or it might be that there are certain criteria needed in terms of physical, mental and spiritual readiness."

And that's just it, isn't it?  If you can fall back on blaming the practitioner for the failure -- as Jasmuheen did with the death of Lani Morris -- you don't have to admit that the whole claim is a sham.  As far as Prahlad Jani, I'd bet that he's simply lying.  There are organisms that can survive on light -- they're called plants.  Animals like us, on the other hand, don't get by so well unless we're allowed to nosh every so often.  So unless Jani et al. can show me that their cells contain functional chloroplasts, I'm not buying it.  (Here's the Skeptic's Dictionary's take on Jani, which outright calls him a fraud.)

Still, I guess Naveena has the right idea.  At least she's willing to participate in a test.  She's got a YouTube channel, from which she is broadcasting updates.  The problem is, given the extraordinary claim we've got here, just periodic film clips documenting her progress aren't going to be enough to convince me, and (I suspect) most people; if what Naveena is doing is real, I'd want some round-the-clock footage, that she had no way of controlling, that would assure me that she wasn't periodically sneaking out for a cheeseburger.

So that's today's dip in the deep end of the pool (just immerse your toes!  No ingesting the water!).  My guess is that one of two things will happen, in Naveena's case; (1) she'll discontinue her experiment, voluntarily, at the advice of her doctor; or (2) she'll be exposed as a hoaxer.  Either way, the "breatharians" and their "living on prana and light" will remain a fringe claim, meriting nothing but a shrug and the comment, "sorry, the world doesn't work that way."