Skeptophilia (skep-to-fil-i-a) (n.) - the love of logical thought, skepticism, and thinking critically. Being an exploration of the applications of skeptical thinking to the world at large, with periodic excursions into linguistics, music, politics, cryptozoology, and why people keep seeing the face of Jesus on grilled cheese sandwiches.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Psychic vampire attack

Are you feeling run down lately?  Low in energy?  Does the face that greets you in the bathroom mirror in the morning look pale and tired?  Is it hard to make it through the working day?

You might be experiencing stress, or maybe you need more sleep.  You might have some kind of physical condition causing your fatigue, and need a visit to your doctor.

Then again, maybe you're just the victim of an Energy Vampire.

I didn't know about Energy Vampires until I was sent a link by a loyal reader, who said, "Get a load of this."  At first I was expecting more nonsense about people who are way too much into Twilight, but then I was sent to the website of Dr. Bruce Goldberg (here).  The website goes into great detail, not about blood drinking monsters, but about people who extract the energy from people around them.  At first I thought he was speaking metaphorically; we've all known people who are demanding, exhausting, draining of energy.

But no.  Dr. Goldberg thinks that there are people who can literally, honestly suck out your energy.

For those of you who would rather not risk having your energy drained by even reading this stuff, Dr. Goldberg classifies Energy Vampires into five types: the Paranoid Type, the Ethereal Type, the Insecure Type, the Passive-Aggressive Type, and the Robot Type.  Each of them, however, is a "psychic parasite," capable of "initiating a psychic attack" on you, resulting in your "psychic energy" being depleted.  The only option is to avoid any kind of contact, especially physical, with these people.

Then, I found that Dr. Goldberg's stuff is only scratching the surface.  It gets way more ridiculous than that.  The Psychic Vampire Resource and Support Page (here) contains links to literally dozens of sites that go into tremendous detail about Energy Vampires, who, they say, are people "who can't create their own energy" and so need to drain energy from others.  Some Energy Vampires are more benevolent of nature, and simply go around and handle objects that ordinary people have handled, subsisting on traces of used energy left behind, sort of like a psychic version of the folks who feel compelled to frequent garage sales.  But others, apparently, prefer fresh energy straight from the source, and will try to touch you so as to establish a "psychic link," and then they feed on your energy, leaving you listless and depressed.

Then, there's the Vampirism and Energy Work Research Study (here), which has enormous amounts of data, including pie charts and bar graphs, detailing the responses to questions like "Do you consider yourself a sanguinarian, psychic, or hybrid vampire?" and "What blood substitutes do you use when you can't feed on real blood?"  And thousands of people responded to these surveys. 

I don't know about you, but this worries me.  I'm willing to believe that at least some of these people (1) participated because they thought it was funny, or (2) belong to the aforementioned Twilight fan club, but that still leaves at least a few people who really, honestly think they're vampires.

And my general response to that is, "You people are loons."

So once again, we're up against a phenomenon that seems to skirt the line between role playing and insanity.  As I've mentioned before, I don't want to be perceived as ridiculing someone who is mentally ill, so I'll just end by saying: Dear vampires, psychic or otherwise: I don't think you want my energy.  My energy is probably all sour and thin from the fact that I don't get nearly enough sleep, so I'm sure you wouldn't enjoy it much anyway.  If you're really desperate, however, you can come by and touch my mailbox, which probably has traces of my psychic energy on the handle.  That way, you wouldn't need to get out of your car, or actually even come to a complete stop.  Thank you.


  1. There's so much advice for avoiding being drained, but so little for helping the victims of this unfortunate medical condition cope with it. Shouldn't there be energy vampire support groups? It can't be pleasant to have everyone around you constantly listless, avoiding touching you, etc.

    I would think there would be some therapies for these unfortunates, probably involving handling vials of water that have been charged with the essence of energy drinks and vitamins.

  2. Hey, whenever people come across something they've never heard of before, they tend to make light of it, and ridicule it. This is usually a sign that they're nervous about it. If they laugh it off, they don't need to give it any more thought.

    Tyler, the Psychic Vampire Resource and Support page mentioned above is a page for psy-vamps, not for people who have been drained, and there is quite a bit of online support and instruction on how to gain control of the ability. All the folks who have been drained need is a glass of orange juice and a good night's sleep. Most psy-vamps these days have graduated to asking permission, first, though, rather than attacking random people on the street. The regard of their peers has a civilizing effect on all people, vamps included. There are still unaware vamps who don't have control over draining others, of course.

    The nonsense about 'emotional vampires' is unrelated to psychic vampirism, by the way. Someone who makes you tired by talking your ear off and constantly begging for emotional support isn't stealing your energy, they're just making you waste your energy. That's a significant difference.

    Nevertheless, if you are feeling tired, the issue is probably related to poor diet, lack of exercise, and lack of a good night's sleep, and not a psychic vampire.

  3. Thanks, WW, for the clarification. To clarify my position, I'm ridiculing this not because I'm nervous about it, but because it is ridiculous. The nervousness you're attributing to me, is a reflection of your own cognitive dissonance at believing something because you just want to, while part of your mind knows that it is silly and completely unsupported by evidence.

    If this is a real phenomenon, then it should be very easy to prove with a blind trial involving a control group who are touched by a non-vampire of your choice. In that case, may I point out that the James Randi prize would keep you supplied with orange juice to replenish your victims, far into the foreseeable future.

  4. I want to know this is bullshit!!!! IS it for sure,like i can try to do it to people and it WON'T WORK RIGHT!!!??? because honestly ever since i learned about this all i've been doing is trying to energy vampire people!! I'm not sure if it works but i want to know it's bullshit so i can stop feeling so guilty, it's making me feel like a creep.