Skeptophilia (skep-to-fil-i-a) (n.) - the love of logical thought, skepticism, and thinking critically. Being an exploration of the applications of skeptical thinking to the world at large, with periodic excursions into linguistics, music, politics, cryptozoology, and why people keep seeing the face of Jesus on grilled cheese sandwiches.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Tinfoil hat upgrade

Are you concerned about being abducted by aliens, especially considering the inevitable result of being strapped down naked to an examining table and probed in ways you'd prefer not to think about?

You, apparently, are not alone.  And a fellow named Michael Menkin has done something about it.

He has invented a hat that stops the aliens from being able to get in touch with your brain.

So what we have here is a higher-tech version of taking a couple of sheets of Reynolds Wrap and smooshing it over your head.  It's a tight-fitting cap made of Velostat, which I had never heard of before, but which Wikipedia explained was "a packaging material made of a polymeric foil (polyolefines) impregnated with carbon black to make it electrically conductive."  The stuff looks, from the photographs, a little like Naugahyde.

Which means that the photographs of people wearing the things look like they're wearing a beanie made from a 1970s loveseat.  (I'd include some photographs here, except for the fact that there's a big "COPYRIGHTED ALL RIGHTS RESERVED" caption attached to them.  However, don't miss out -- you must go to the website and look at the pictures, but I'll warn you not to attempt to drink anything while doing so.  I will not be held responsible for damage to your computer that occurs if you do not follow this advice.)

Laugh all you want, Menkin tells us, there are more important things to worry about than looking silly:
The "thought screen helmet" is our only defense in a "telepathic war."  I call this device a "thought screen helmet" because it prevents aliens from performing any kind of mental control over us.  It blocks out all alien thought so humans can no longer be manipulated or controlled, and it prevents aliens from completing mental communication with us so people cannot be abducted.
So let me get this straight.  Aliens come across the galaxy, in faster-than-light spacecrafts powered by unimaginably complicated technology, intent on kidnapping a few humans, and they're defeated by... a hat?

And apparently hats aren't the only things the aliens can't figure out:
Aliens have taken ten helmets from abductees and several Velostat lined baseball caps.  If you are not wearing a hat they will go through your entire house looking for them. They will not, however, go into a locked cabinet.  Before you make a helmet have some kind of cabinet or trunk that you can lock. That way they won’t take it. 
All thought is open and controlled in a telepathic society therefore locks are unnecessary.   Aliens are unfamiliar with locks and the concept of a lock.
So, let's see... aliens can be defeated by hats, locks, and... string:
Almost any kind of tape or string wrapped around the helmet several times will prevent aliens from removing the helmet if they manage to get close to you.
And if the hats, locks, and string aren't enough, you'll have to resort to harsher measures -- like Axe Body Spray:
Several abductees report that aliens do not like perfume.  One abductee claims that they stopped an abduction by exposing strong cheap perfume to aliens.
I dunno.  These are beginning to sound like some pretty inept aliens.  These sound like somehow the cast of Gilligan's Island learned how to drive a spaceship, and are now bumbling around like buffoons, running into each other and dropping coconuts on the Skipper's toes.

[image courtesy of the Wikimedia Commons]

I went through this website for nearly an hour, looking for any sign that these people are joking.  Tragically, it appears that they're are completely serious.  There's even a testimonials page, wherein we hear glowing reviews like the following:
“I am happy to report that the Thought Screen Helmet has been performing beautifully!   It’s been over six months now and NOT ONE INCIDENT! Aside from some of the naive neighborhood kids and their taunting it’s been a blissful period.”

"The hat and helmet work very well and I have experience much relief wearing them.  I am however, surprised that the aliens have not found a way to thwart this simple but effective technology.  At any rate I am very happy with mine and thank you again for your work." 
“Still nothing new to report it must work!”
Yup!  The only possible explanation for nothing happening is that the hat you're wearing is blocking alien telepathic signals.

Anyhow.  I might make myself a hat at some point, because the website gives step-by-step instructions, and supposedly the whole thing costs less than $45.  On the other hand, I doubt that the hat will block sarcastic comments from my wife, which is honestly much more of a concern to me than being abducted by aliens.  So maybe I'm just as well off going back to tinfoil.


  1. The thought screen helmet is a real device. I am not joking. It does stop aliens from abducting people. I've been making them for 16 years and sending them to people all over the world for free. There are some case histories I don't include on the website: the alien-human hybrids sometimes beat up people who forget to wear their helmets or stop wearing them. The aliens also physically hurt a woman who was not wearing hers by putting over 300 half inch cuts all over her body and she went to the hospital. They told there that they hat never seen anything like it.
    You do have to get alien behavior straight. We are dealing with real aliens from space who are very different than humans. Yes, it's true, they don't go into a locked container. They also don't do or understand many things that humans do. Please see alien capabilities and incapabilities on Aliens don't eat as we do so they don't understand what cooking is, how cooking utensils are used or really what and where the food that we eat comes from. They don't understad human hygiene. I'm told by abductees that the hybrids or hubrids that David Jacobs calls them that the hubrids stink. The aliens also don't understand why we brush our teeth.
    Remember, these are aliens from a very distant place. They are not humans at all. They even don't understand written language because they may be deaf and don't speak. All communication is telepathic. For more information on what aliens can't do or understand, please see David Jacobs latest book, Walking Among Us. You should also read his other books, The Threat and Secret Life. I wish you would spend even more time on my other site, which relates the epidemic of autism to alien abductions. Yes to you again, the aliens are really lousy scientists and don't know how much damage they have done to the human genome.
    Let me know also what you think of my new websites,, and Hats using velostat do far more than you think they do. I'm not working with support groups from three hospitals in the Puget Sound area and have helped nine persons with traumatic brain injury. One person was helped dramatically: he was blinded from a brain injury from an auto accident and regained some sight after wearing a hat lined with 6 sheets of velostat for a month. I'm creating two more sites to find more brain damaged persons who became blind to try the hat: which I hope to have up next month and a site to follow it, The hat has also helped several children with ADHD so I will also have a site called
    The hats take a long time to make. The leather hats now take about 5 hours and the baseball caps take about two and a half hours. I give the hats to people for free. They are a gift. All of my sites are a public service and nonprofit.
    You've got to think clearer about what aliens are and really study accounts of them. In the Barney and Betty Hill case the aliens could not understand why Barney could remove his teeth and Betty could not. Again, we are dealing with real aliens from space, not fictional accounts or your unlearned opinion of how you think aliens should behave.

  2. is now up as a website. Neuro hats are free to people who were blinded by a brain injury. A neuro hat restored some sight to a man blinded by a brain injury from an auto accident in Seattle, Washington.