Well, I just ran into the single stupidest conspiracy theory in existence.
Don't even try to convince me there's a dumber one, because I don't want to hear it. HAARP controlling hurricanes and tornadoes to target enemies? Pshaw. A global network of Illuminati in league with Reptilian aliens to control major world governments? Amateur hour. Big Pharma putting mind-control microchips in our meds to turn us all into soulless automata? Little League.
Because now we have: the COVID vaccine is "installed with payloads" of the Marburg virus, which will be activated in October by a signal broadcast from 5G networks, triggering the zombie apocalypse and killing billions, starting with all of the people who were foolish enough to get vaccinated. This will result in the Evil Democrats winning (for that, read stealing) the 2024 election.
*brief pause for you to regain your equilibrium*
Okay, some background first.
Marburg virus causes a deadly hemorrhagic fever similar to the better-known (and related) Ebola virus. It's a bad one; there's no vaccine yet, and even with treatment the mortality rate is somewhere between sixty and eighty percent. It's endemic in certain parts of Africa, and seems to be carried by bats and monkeys. It's considered to be of significant concern with regards to epidemics, given how contagious it is.
However, there is no way to (1) put it into some kind of Trojan horse in a vaccine, and (2) activate it using a 5G signal (or any other kind of signal). In order to believe this, you have to know essentially nothing about viruses, vaccines, or 5G.
Which is apparently the case with Todd Callender, who seems to have been the origin of this particular lunacy back in 2022. He appeared in an interview with Jeffrey Prather on his program The Prather Point, and we're assured that Callender isn't "some hare-brained fringe theorist" because Prather vets all of his guests and he says so.
So that's good to know.
"A broadcast from 5G cell towers at 18 MHz, for a specific duration and sequence, will cause affected cells to rupture," Callender said, "unleashing Marburg payload bioweapons into the blood of those who took the mRNA injections. This, in turn, would instantly unleash a Marburg pandemic and produce a sudden rush of symptoms including bleeding out (hemorrhagic fever isn't pretty), cardiovascular deaths, seizures and more. Some of the symptoms that could appear would even resemble classic zombies as depicted in pop culture; biting, loss of cognitive function, aggression, confusion and extreme alterations in the appearance of skin and eyes, among other similarities."
The ultimate outcome is that the Democrats (who, of course, engineered all this) will swipe the 2024 election. "If this theory pans out, the obvious timeframe for the powers that be to release the binary weapon would be before the [next election]... With a whole new pandemic hitting the scene -- with far more serious symptoms and a higher death rate compared to COVID -- the elections could either be cancelled or altered into a universal vote-from-home format which would favor the highly organized vote rigging and ballot counterfeiting of the Democrats (who are only in power because they stole the last election, of course)."
For all the doubters in the studio audience, we're told to stop being KoolAid-drinkin' sheeple. "Critics might say this all smacks of science fiction. But we are living through a science fiction dystopian scenario right now, with extreme censorship, an Orwellian global cabal trying to exterminate the human race, the rise of the robots and the mass injection of billions of people with exotic nanotechnology that seems to have a rather nefarious purpose, far from merely offering 'immunity.'"
The last bit reminds me of the wonderful quote by Carl Sagan: "The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
In any case, we don't have long to wait, since the latest intel is that this is all going down in October. Me, I'm kind of bummed by that, because my birthday's in October, and I was rather looking forward to having a nice quiet celebration with my wife, and not having to stumble around the village bleeding from the eye sockets and looking for brains to eat.
But I'll return to my original point, which is that if there is a stupider conspiracy theory out there, I don't want to know about it. Writing about all this made me long for the good old days when the antivaxxers were content to inject bleach and swallow horse dewormer.