I'm a big fan of the band OneRepublic, but I don't think any of their songs has struck me like their 2018 hit "Connection."
Whichever way it goes, it appears that social media, which has long billed itself as being the new way to make friends, has left a great many people feeling more isolated than ever.
I know that's true for me. I'm pretty shy, and don't get out much. I volunteer sorting books for our local Friends of the Library book sale once a week; I see my athletic trainer once a week; I have a friend with whom I go for walks on Saturday mornings. That's about it. My social calendar is more or less non-existent. And despite my natural tendency toward introversion, it's not a good thing. I've had the sense -- undoubtedly inaccurate, but that doesn't make it feel any less real -- that if I were to vanish from the face of the Earth, maybe a dozen people would notice, and half that would care.
It's a hell of a way to live.
Sadly, I'm far from the only person who feels this way. Disconnection and isolation are endemic in our society, and the scary part is the toll it takes. Not only are there the obvious connections to mental health issues like depression and anxiety, a study out of Oregon State University published this week in the Journal of Psychology found that chronic loneliness is connected to a slew of other problems -- including poor sleep, nightmares, heart disease, stroke, dementia, and premature death. The study, which involved 1,600 adults between the ages of eighteen and eighty, was absolutely unequivocal.
The open question is what to do about it. Social media clearly isn't the answer. I don't want to paint it all as negative; I have good interactions on social media, and it allows me to keep in touch with friends who live too far away to see regularly, which is why I'm willing to participate in it at all. But to have those interactions requires wading through all of the other stuff the algorithm desperately wants me to see (including what appear to be eighteen gazillion "sponsored posts," i.e., advertisements). The bottom line is that people like Mark Zuckerberg and the other CEOs of large social media organizations don't give a flying rat's ass about my feelings; it's all about making money. If it makes MZ money, you can bet you'll see it lots. If it doesn't?
Meh. Maybe. Probably not. Certainly you shouldn't count on it.
So the alternative is to try to get out there more and form some authentic connections, which is much easier said than done. All I know is that it's important. There may be people in this world who are natural loners, but I suspect they're few and far between. The majority of us need deep connection with friends, and suffer if we don't have it.
And the Hesse et al. study has shown that there's more at risk than just your mood if you don't.
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I understand this from a well so deep that I often feel there is no bottom to it. Thank you for this article. God bless.
ReplyDeleteSuch a great reminder, Gordon. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteC'mon over!
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