As a slightly-past-fifty-year-old, it will come as no surprise to you to hear that I'm seeing some gray hair, and a few more laugh lines than I had ten years ago. Myself, I'd always thought of this as a natural consequence of reaching this venerated age. Imagine my surprise when I learned this morning that gray hair and wrinkles are not caused by the death of melanin-producing cells in the hair follicles, and a decrease in the elasticity of the skin, respectively; no, both of these phenomena are caused by an imbalance of energy flow through your kidneys, and can be fixed by applying suction cups to your skin.
I wish I was making this up, but here's the source for this bit of medical wisdom, which comes from the tenets of a practice called "cupping." The idea is that whatever ails you -- and I do mean whatever, because practitioners claim that cupping can cure everything from sciatica to constipation -- it is due to a combination of improper energy flow and pooling of toxins in the tissues, and it can all be set right by allowing a glass cup attached to a suction pump to give you a giant hickey.
At this site, we get some of our Frequently-Asked Questions answered. Only "some," because my most frequently-asked questions while I was researching all this were, "Are you people kidding? Or what?" But we do find out, for example, that cupping is a "powerful detoxifying, pain relieving and energy building modality that people all over the world use for health maintenance" and can be used to treat "a huge number of conditions," including colds, abscesses, arthritis, insomnia, vertigo, high blood pressure, asthma, and hemorrhoids. It works because it "drains stagnation." And also, we shouldn't be worried about any bruising that occurs, because bruising is caused by "tissue compression/injury" and "(t)here is no compression in properly applied suction cup therapy."
No, you morons, of course there isn't. Compression is the opposite of suction. And both can cause bruising, which is localized rupture of capillaries. But not to worry: the site linked above says that the greater the discoloration you see after the procedure, the more you needed it and the better it worked, because "the more (discoloration) is visible, the greater the level of stagnation and toxicity... This is clearly the result of having internal unwanted toxins systematically purged."
But wait, you might be saying; how can this be drawing out "stagnation" from your body, when there's nothing actually crossing your skin and being sucked away by the suction cup, given that when you take the cup off the "patient's" skin, it's empty? Well, someone thought of that, too, and they developed "wet cupping," in which they do the whole cupping procedure, but they cut your skin first.
Yes, folks, the cuppers have basically rediscovered bloodletting, a practice that was generally discontinued back in the 18th century, when it was discovered that an unfortunate side-effect was frequently the death of the patient. But a little historical tragedy like that isn't going to stop these folks. No way, not when cupping can have benefits like "facilitating the movement of Qi," "promoting the flow of lymphatic fluid," "breaking up and expelling congestion," and "balancing pH."
Now, of course, we've run into the phenomenon before that there's no woo-woo idea so ridiculous that someone can't improve it to make it even more ridiculous, so allow me to introduce you to the idea of "fire cupping." In fire cupping, instead of being attached to a suction pump, the glass cup has a cotton ball saturated with rubbing alcohol placed into it and ignited, and then the hot cup is placed on the person's skin. As the air cools, it contracts, and that creates the suction that pulls out the stagnant Qi energy lymph, or whatever the fuck they claim it's doing. The problem is, hot things have an unfortunate side effect, namely burns, and there have been several cases of victims... oops, sorry, patients... having to be treated for circular burns after being "fire cupped."
Okay. Let's just get a few things straight, here. Disease is not caused by "energy stagnation." If you apply a suction cup to your skin, you are accomplishing nothing but bursting a few capillaries and giving yourself a nice, symmetrical bruise. Any "toxins" in your body are capable of being handled just fine by your kidneys, which incidentally have nothing whatsoever to do with gray hair. There is no such thing as "qi." And if you allow anyone with a glass cup containing a flaming cotton ball anywhere near you, you deserve everything you get.
So that's today's pseudoscience -- an idea which, in every sense of the word, sucks. Amazing how after three years of writing daily on this blog, I'm still running into goofy ideas I'd never heard of before. It's really kind of a depressing thought, isn't it? Oh, wait -- depression is something that can be cured by cupping! Yay! If I show up later today with a giant circular bruise on the side of my head, don't worry -- it's just that I had all of those stagnant toxic thoughts removed by attaching a suction cup to my temple.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Staking a claim
Last week, it was zombies all over the news, what with guys biting each other's faces off, and cutting up former lovers, and committing various other antisocial, body-part-related atrocities. And I observed that once one person mentions a woo-woo explanation for something (we're having a zombie apocalypse), every possibly-related story gets cast in that light, and the whole thing sort of develops a life of its own.
Given that these conjectures have no basis in reality, it's no surprise that most of them are short-lived. Once enough people look around them, and acknowledge that no, the people on the bus and at work are not, in fact, turning into zombies, then they're forced to conclude that the whole thing was rather a non-starter from the beginning. (Although I will add, in the interest of fairness, that a few nutty ideas seem to be in the Undead Immortal category themselves, such as the Rebecca Black/JFK assassination thing, and the Baltic Sea UFO thing.)
But most woo-woo crazes are just that -- fads -- and as such, they have a limited life-span. So last week, it was zombies; and this week, we have moved on to another terrifying, immortal, soulless being that doesn't exist...
... vampires.
Things got rolling this weekend, when some archaeologists working in Bulgaria found two medieval skeletons at a dig site in Sozopol, and were shocked to find that the skeletons had metal rods driven through them. (Source)
Of course, the only reason to do this to a dead body is to make it dead again, because it had risen up from the grave, sharpened its canine teeth, and was prowling around the village looking for beautiful young women dressed in gauzy white garments to terrorize. And the fact that people in Eastern Europe used to believe this was possible is never cast in the light of, "Wow, people sure were superstitious, back then." The article states, "The discovery illustrates a pagan practice common in some villages up until a century ago, say historians. People deemed bad had their hearts stabbed after death, for fear they would return to feast on humans' blood." Unfortunately, the writers of the article didn't add, "... although this never actually happens."
I say "unfortunately," because there are people with rather tenuous grips on reality who periodically forget the definition of "fiction." Some of these people then act on those ideas, and it seldom ends well.
Witness the unnamed man "with vampire teeth" who attacked a homeless guy in San Diego a couple of days ago. (Source) Police in La Jolla were called when passersby saw someone assaulting a man near a shopping center, and once they arrived, they found a 55-year-old transient bleeding from bites inflicted by a man whose canine teeth were filed to points. The Dracula wannabee was arrested and charged with assault. (You should go to the site and look at the attacker's photograph, which gives lie to the claim that vampires were supposed to look sultry and devastatingly sexy, and also that they seldom ever wear baseball caps.)
Now, lest you think that this is just one deluded, possibly high, individual, consider another story that just popped up -- about a Texas inmate who sued the state prison system for preventing his carrying out ritual religious beliefs related to his being a vampire.
Courtney Royal, who is serving a life sentence for aggravated assault and robbery, filed the suit (in which he refers to himself as "Vampsh Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest") claiming that he had beliefs that stem from West African and "18th century Catholicism" practices. These beliefs are "marked by prayer to Africans reincarnated by blood."
The most entertaining part of the whole story is that Vampsh Black Sheep etc. stated that his beliefs were no different from Christianity, given that both are "unproven." In which, I have to admit, he has a point.
In the end, Courtney/Vampsh's lawsuit was denied on the basis of its being "frivolous," which would seem to indicate that the judge thought that he wasn't serious. Myself, I'm not so sure. It certainly wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've ever heard people claim to believe (that award would have to go to the members of Werewolf Cathedral). But just like with the zombies last week, I suspect that we haven't heard the last of the vampire stories. Now that some archaeologists found a few skeletons with stakes driven through them, proving the existence of vampires to the scientific world, and we've had not just one, but two, instances of real-life vampires show up in the news, we are clearly facing an outbreak. It's time to get all of your supplies ready, including garlic, crucifixes, and guns with silver bullets (wait, is that werewolves? I think I'm getting my nonsense mixed up. Crap. I hate it when that happens). Spot checks of your coworkers are recommended ("Excuse me, can I see your teeth?") Keep it up until the furor dies down next Tuesday, at which point we can all start freaking out about the next craze involving a mythological creature. I hope this one is about centaurs. We haven't had a good centaur outbreak in a long time.
Given that these conjectures have no basis in reality, it's no surprise that most of them are short-lived. Once enough people look around them, and acknowledge that no, the people on the bus and at work are not, in fact, turning into zombies, then they're forced to conclude that the whole thing was rather a non-starter from the beginning. (Although I will add, in the interest of fairness, that a few nutty ideas seem to be in the Undead Immortal category themselves, such as the Rebecca Black/JFK assassination thing, and the Baltic Sea UFO thing.)
But most woo-woo crazes are just that -- fads -- and as such, they have a limited life-span. So last week, it was zombies; and this week, we have moved on to another terrifying, immortal, soulless being that doesn't exist...
... vampires.
Things got rolling this weekend, when some archaeologists working in Bulgaria found two medieval skeletons at a dig site in Sozopol, and were shocked to find that the skeletons had metal rods driven through them. (Source)
Of course, the only reason to do this to a dead body is to make it dead again, because it had risen up from the grave, sharpened its canine teeth, and was prowling around the village looking for beautiful young women dressed in gauzy white garments to terrorize. And the fact that people in Eastern Europe used to believe this was possible is never cast in the light of, "Wow, people sure were superstitious, back then." The article states, "The discovery illustrates a pagan practice common in some villages up until a century ago, say historians. People deemed bad had their hearts stabbed after death, for fear they would return to feast on humans' blood." Unfortunately, the writers of the article didn't add, "... although this never actually happens."
I say "unfortunately," because there are people with rather tenuous grips on reality who periodically forget the definition of "fiction." Some of these people then act on those ideas, and it seldom ends well.
Witness the unnamed man "with vampire teeth" who attacked a homeless guy in San Diego a couple of days ago. (Source) Police in La Jolla were called when passersby saw someone assaulting a man near a shopping center, and once they arrived, they found a 55-year-old transient bleeding from bites inflicted by a man whose canine teeth were filed to points. The Dracula wannabee was arrested and charged with assault. (You should go to the site and look at the attacker's photograph, which gives lie to the claim that vampires were supposed to look sultry and devastatingly sexy, and also that they seldom ever wear baseball caps.)
Now, lest you think that this is just one deluded, possibly high, individual, consider another story that just popped up -- about a Texas inmate who sued the state prison system for preventing his carrying out ritual religious beliefs related to his being a vampire.
Courtney Royal, who is serving a life sentence for aggravated assault and robbery, filed the suit (in which he refers to himself as "Vampsh Black Sheep League of Doom Gardamun Family Circle Master Vampire High Priest") claiming that he had beliefs that stem from West African and "18th century Catholicism" practices. These beliefs are "marked by prayer to Africans reincarnated by blood."
The most entertaining part of the whole story is that Vampsh Black Sheep etc. stated that his beliefs were no different from Christianity, given that both are "unproven." In which, I have to admit, he has a point.
In the end, Courtney/Vampsh's lawsuit was denied on the basis of its being "frivolous," which would seem to indicate that the judge thought that he wasn't serious. Myself, I'm not so sure. It certainly wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've ever heard people claim to believe (that award would have to go to the members of Werewolf Cathedral). But just like with the zombies last week, I suspect that we haven't heard the last of the vampire stories. Now that some archaeologists found a few skeletons with stakes driven through them, proving the existence of vampires to the scientific world, and we've had not just one, but two, instances of real-life vampires show up in the news, we are clearly facing an outbreak. It's time to get all of your supplies ready, including garlic, crucifixes, and guns with silver bullets (wait, is that werewolves? I think I'm getting my nonsense mixed up. Crap. I hate it when that happens). Spot checks of your coworkers are recommended ("Excuse me, can I see your teeth?") Keep it up until the furor dies down next Tuesday, at which point we can all start freaking out about the next craze involving a mythological creature. I hope this one is about centaurs. We haven't had a good centaur outbreak in a long time.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Repeat offenders
If there's anyone I owe a debt of gratitude to, here at Skeptophilia headquarters, it's the woo-woo frequent flyers. Where would I be without Dirk Vander Ploeg's pronouncements about psychic telepathic alien Bigfoots, and how Lord of the Rings was actually a historical document? Or Alfred Lambremont Webre's claims that President Obama has visited Mars, and that the US government has already developed long-distance space and time travel? Or Diane Tessman's missives to the world about the Celestial Convergence, which she claims are the musings of a super-intelligent alien named Tibus?
None of the repeat offenders, however, has provided me with quite so much wonderful material as Alex Collier, the Canadian woo-woo extraordinaire who claimed last year that the Earth was about to be attacked by the Borg (apparently they changed their Collective Mind), and also that there was a huge alien/human war in the 1930s, which none of us know about because during the war we were summarily catapulted through a rip in the space/time continuum into another timeline, and now we have to get back, which will be difficult without the assistance of Geordi LaForge.
Well, once again we have evidence that Collier has been using his Netflix membership to watch old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, because now he's claiming that we're being bombarded by "alien orbs" whose pilots are "demonic hyperdimensional entities" who have "artificially engineered... our current space-time continuum." (Source)
As evidence, Collier produces a scrolling set of images, the majority of which are photographs of the sky with fuzzy spots of light. One, however, is just baffling, and shows Adam and Eve (or possibly another naked couple, it's hard to be certain) being sternly lectured by something that looks like a figure from a painting by Picasso. I suppose this represents something profound, but I'm damned if I can figure out what.
In any case, Collier says that there have been large numbers of sightings lately of UFOs in groups of three, and this is highly significant, because three is such a special number, having a great deal of emphasis in the woo-woo world because of its inherent magic, and also because it's the most convenient way to get from two to four. The "Pagan Gnostics," Collier said, believed in the Archons, who were "demonic interdimensional and artificial life forms who appeared in threes," and after all, we know what authoritative sources on science the Pagan Gnostics are. "To hell with Einstein," you frequently hear physicists say. "Let's find out what the Pagan Gnostics have to say about the General Theory of Relativity."
Of course, Collier doesn't just use "Pagan Gnostics" as sources; he also calls upon that trifecta of credibility, Alex Jones, David Icke, and Jesse Ventura. Yup, I'm convinced.
The best part of the whole article, however, and in my mind the kind of thing that places Collier in a higher tier of woo-woo than the other recidivists mentioned above, is when he starts going into why the number three is so significant:
That, of course, is the difficulty with woo-woos in general, isn't it? They have a totally different definition of the word "evidence" than the rest of us do. Couple that with a general disdain for the kind of rigorous self-questioning that is the hallmark of good science -- are the correlations we see relevant? Do they indicate a causation? If so, what is the correct model to explain that causation? -- and you have a recipe for egregious bullshit. And, now that the "Information Age" has arrived, they have a more effective venue for disseminating their views to the world than ever before.
Of course, one has to hope that the same mechanisms that allow quick transfer of idiotic nonsense like Collier's aforementioned numerological musings can also act to spread reliable information. The key is to train people to recognize the difference, so they don't get suckered by wingnuts, hoaxers, liars, and charlatans... which is about as powerful an argument for teaching critical thinking in public schools as any I can come up with.
None of the repeat offenders, however, has provided me with quite so much wonderful material as Alex Collier, the Canadian woo-woo extraordinaire who claimed last year that the Earth was about to be attacked by the Borg (apparently they changed their Collective Mind), and also that there was a huge alien/human war in the 1930s, which none of us know about because during the war we were summarily catapulted through a rip in the space/time continuum into another timeline, and now we have to get back, which will be difficult without the assistance of Geordi LaForge.
Well, once again we have evidence that Collier has been using his Netflix membership to watch old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, because now he's claiming that we're being bombarded by "alien orbs" whose pilots are "demonic hyperdimensional entities" who have "artificially engineered... our current space-time continuum." (Source)
As evidence, Collier produces a scrolling set of images, the majority of which are photographs of the sky with fuzzy spots of light. One, however, is just baffling, and shows Adam and Eve (or possibly another naked couple, it's hard to be certain) being sternly lectured by something that looks like a figure from a painting by Picasso. I suppose this represents something profound, but I'm damned if I can figure out what.
In any case, Collier says that there have been large numbers of sightings lately of UFOs in groups of three, and this is highly significant, because three is such a special number, having a great deal of emphasis in the woo-woo world because of its inherent magic, and also because it's the most convenient way to get from two to four. The "Pagan Gnostics," Collier said, believed in the Archons, who were "demonic interdimensional and artificial life forms who appeared in threes," and after all, we know what authoritative sources on science the Pagan Gnostics are. "To hell with Einstein," you frequently hear physicists say. "Let's find out what the Pagan Gnostics have to say about the General Theory of Relativity."
Of course, Collier doesn't just use "Pagan Gnostics" as sources; he also calls upon that trifecta of credibility, Alex Jones, David Icke, and Jesse Ventura. Yup, I'm convinced.
The best part of the whole article, however, and in my mind the kind of thing that places Collier in a higher tier of woo-woo than the other recidivists mentioned above, is when he starts going into why the number three is so significant:
(N)umerous researchers have presented that “3” has been a recurring theme in a path of apocalyptical destruction. A distinctive pattern of disasters, has occurred on days, months or years which are either perfectly dividable by “3” or when divided by three produce a perfectly recurring decimal of “3”, ie 646.333333.When I read all of this, I was torn between laughing and crying -- and of course, you've already seen what the problem is. If you take any number and divide it by 3, a third of them will divide evenly, and a third of them will leave a repeating decimal .333.... And the remaining third will leave a repeating decimal of .666...., the "Number of the Beast." So any date that Collier picks will work!
Fukushima occurred on 3/11; hence ‘3’.
The War on Terrorism was launched on 9/11, henceforth 9 divided by three equals ‘3’.
“Battle Los Angeles” was a movie on an alien invasion which also precisely coincided by the very day that Fukushima occurred -- 3/11.
World War I began in 1914, which is perfectly dividable by “3”.
World War II began in 1939, which results in a repeated decimal of “3”, I.e. 646.33333
If we conclude that “3” is a significant number in apocalyptical events including World War, we therefore need to look at dates in which “3” become a prominent theme.
As a result, 15 June 2012, or “6/15” becomes at least a candidate for an apocalyptical event, and would represent a “Day of Symmetry” for the archon mind; and 2012 also produces a recurring decimal of “.666” which is the “Number of the Beast”.
That, of course, is the difficulty with woo-woos in general, isn't it? They have a totally different definition of the word "evidence" than the rest of us do. Couple that with a general disdain for the kind of rigorous self-questioning that is the hallmark of good science -- are the correlations we see relevant? Do they indicate a causation? If so, what is the correct model to explain that causation? -- and you have a recipe for egregious bullshit. And, now that the "Information Age" has arrived, they have a more effective venue for disseminating their views to the world than ever before.
Of course, one has to hope that the same mechanisms that allow quick transfer of idiotic nonsense like Collier's aforementioned numerological musings can also act to spread reliable information. The key is to train people to recognize the difference, so they don't get suckered by wingnuts, hoaxers, liars, and charlatans... which is about as powerful an argument for teaching critical thinking in public schools as any I can come up with.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Demonic ink
A friend of mine sent me a link yesterday with the sinister message, "Dude, you are so screwed." When I clicked it, it brought me to a webpage called "TATTOO: The Cup of Devils," wherein I learned that anyone with tattoos is doomed to the fiery pit for all eternity.
I have two tattoos, one of them that I got some years back, and the other one done only last month. Little did I know that when I went under the needle gun, I was sealing my fate.
My one-way ticket to hell
Other things I learned on this page:
Throughout history the tattoo bears the mark of paganism, demonism, Baal worship, shamanism, mysticism, heathenism, cannibalism and just about every other pagan belief known. The tattoo has NEVER been associated with Bible Believing Christians. And whenever and wherever, in history Christianity appears – tattoos disappear. The only exception -- 20th century, lukewarm, carnal, disobedient, Laodicean Christians.Yup, that's me. A Baal-worshiping cannibal. Caught red-handed.
The problem, the author (Terry Watkins) says, is that tattoos are not just decorative, they're portals for demonic entities:
The tattooist, shaman or the occult priest many times uses the tattoo as a point of contact, or inlets into the spiritual world. The tattoo is much more than just a body decoration. It’s more than just a layer of ink cut into the skin. In fact, the tattoo in every culture, in every country, up until the 20th century, was a vehicle for pagan spiritual and religious invocations. Even today, in many countries (including the United States), the tattoo is believed to be a bridge into the supernatural world... Tribal tattoos are designs that bear serious symbolic mystical and occult meanings. Tribal tattoos, especially, are possible channels into spiritual and demonic possession.My designs aren't "tribal," they're Celtic, in honor of my Scottish and Breton ancestry, and also because they're cool-looking. So I wonder if that counts? It'd be kind of a shame if I went to all of that trouble and pain, and could have gotten myself a Demonic Portal, but chose the wrong design, and now all of your better demons are possessing guys with Maori tribal tattoos on their shoulders.
And if once wasn't bad enough, I went and did it again.
Some of the source material that Watkins takes out of context is downright funny, especially the stuff from Ronald Scutt's book Art, Sex, and Symbol. This book, which is a scholarly look at ritual art (including tattoos) through the ages, is neither pro nor anti-tattoo, but to read the quotes that Watkins lifts from Scutt, you'd think that it was composed of hundreds of pages of biblically-based warnings. My favorite is the quote alleging that tattoos are associated with "megalithic building, ear-piercing, and serpent worship." To which I can only respond that I have yet to build a megalith, I have no piercings of any kind, and I like and respect serpents, but "worship" is a bit of an overstatement. The quotes from Steve Gilbert's book Tattoo History: A Source Book also provide for some entertaining examples of how you can lift quotes from anywhere to prove anything, as long as you cherry-pick carefully:
When Cortez and his conquistadors arrived on the coast of Mexico in 1519, they were horrified to discover that natives not only worshipped devils in the form of status and idols, but also had somehow managed to imprint indelible images of these idols on their skin. The Spaniards, who had never heard of tattooing, recognized it at once as the work of Satan.Of course, the Spanish thought lots of things were the works of Satan, including most of the art work, historical artifacts, and writings of damn near every civilization they ran into, so I'm not sure they're all that reliable a source on the subject.
Watkins goes on and on about how evil it all is, concluding with:
Throughout history tattoos have symbolized rebellion. There’s nothing normal about a tattoo. A tattoo screams of unabashed rebellion and sexual deviancy... Is there any doubt about who the "master tattooist" is???Which reminds me of the Saturday Night Live "Church Lady" sketch, that always ended with, "Could it be... SATAN?"
So, anyway, that's today's jaunt through the world of bizarre superstition. I find it kind of curious that Watkins is this concerned about body art, frankly; you'd think that as a bible-toting Christian, he'd spend more time talking about rather more pressing issues, such as the fact that "Love thy neighbor as thyself" hasn't really sunk in all that well for a lot of people. And as far as me, I suppose I was headed to hell long before I got my first ink, given that at that point I was already an atheist. But reading Watkins' webpage does make me realize how neglectful I've been, as a tattooed person. I still have a long way to go in the cannibalism, unabashed rebellion, and sexual deviancy departments, and I've got to get right on that serpent-worshiping thing. Oh, and I wonder where I'm going to put the megalith I'm supposed to build? I'm thinking the front yard. That would certainly make a statement.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Space donuts
A student of mine asked me yesterday if I'd ever heard of a "flux thruster atom pulser." I said, "You mean, like in Back to the Future?"
He said, "No, that's a flux capacitor." And he gave me a link to a site called Rodin Aerodynamics.
"You may want to wear a helmet while reading it," he said. "It'll protect your skull when you faceplant."
Indeed, the site did not disappoint, and I was put on notice in the first paragraph:
The originator of the idea is allegedly a fellow named Marko Rodin, although I could find no independent corroboration of this -- as far as I could tell, Rodin seems not to exist except on this site and others that reference it.
The mysterious Rodin, however, has had quite a life:
He goes on to mess about with number patterns, but brings in the Yin/Yang, the Mathematical Fingerprint of God, and Aetheric Flux Monopole Emanations. What are those, you might ask? You might be sorry you did:
Now, you might think that this is just some guy blathering on about how he will Revolutionize Physics despite the fact of having no scientific background whatsoever, and admittedly people like that are a dime a dozen. But now Marko Rodin has been championed by noted wackmobile Jeff Rense.
Never heard of Rense? He is a conspiracy theorist par excellence, whose overall looniness quotient ranks him right up there with Richard C. Hoagland and Benjamin Fulford. (Check out his site here.) But Rense compounds his bizarre view of the world with anti-Semitism and Holocaust denial, which moves his ideas from the realm of the laughable to the completely odious. He brags that his is the most "format and content-plagiarized site on the net," despite the fact that his most of his material seems to be outright lunacy. (And even if you don't want to read any of his posts, you should at least go to his site to look at his profile photograph, in which he sports a mustache and a mane of flowing hair that in my eyes makes him look a little like an aging 70s porn star.)
So, anyway, that's today's Breakfast of Wingnuttery. We live on a donut made of dark matter and numbers, and the whole thing is caused by invisible particles emanating from the Essence of God. Oh, yeah, and despite what your math teacher told you, pi is a whole number, something I remember trying to convince my 7th grade math teacher of, many years ago. "Can't we just call it '3' and be done with it?", I recall saying. If only I'd known how many years ahead of my time I was, I could have dropped out of school and beat Rodin to the punch, and invented my own "flux thruster atom pulser" so I could "go anywhere in the universe." That sounds like it would have been fun.
He said, "No, that's a flux capacitor." And he gave me a link to a site called Rodin Aerodynamics.
"You may want to wear a helmet while reading it," he said. "It'll protect your skull when you faceplant."
Indeed, the site did not disappoint, and I was put on notice in the first paragraph:
Within, you will be taken on a spiraling tour through the toroidal roller coaster of our deterministic universe. Dark Matter, the vibratory essence of all that exists, is no longer on its elusive hide and seek trip -- it has been found! With the introduction of Vortex-Based Mathematics you will be able to see how energy is expressing itself mathematically. This math has no anomalies and shows the dimensional shape and function of the universe as being a toroid or donut-shaped black hole. This is the template for the universe and it is all within our base ten decimal system... You have entered a place where Numbers Are Real And Alive and not merely symbols for other things.So, we live in a giant space donut made composed of dark matter, and 125.7 is a living entity. Wheeee! We are certainly off to a good start, aren't we?
The originator of the idea is allegedly a fellow named Marko Rodin, although I could find no independent corroboration of this -- as far as I could tell, Rodin seems not to exist except on this site and others that reference it.
The mysterious Rodin, however, has had quite a life:
At the age of fifteen Marko Rodin projected his mind as far as he could across the universe and asked the question, "What is the secret behind intelligence?" Due to his gift of intense focus or because it was time for him to know the answer, his stomach muscles turned to iron and as he was literally lifted forward he answered out loud, "I understand." What he had gleaned from his query was that all intelligence comes from a person's name. This led him to understand that not only do our personal names and the language they are spoken in highly affect our personalities but that the most important names are the names of God.What intelligence did Rodin glean from his trip, and the contemplation of his name? Well, here are a few gems of wisdom he brought back:
- a propulsion system that can bring you "anywhere in the universe."
- there is an "aetheric template" in DNA that guides evolution.
- the "repeating number series that solves pi and proves that it is a whole number."
- the fact that "zero does not exist on the number line."
- infinity has an "epicenter."
- the world boundary seams consist of nested vortices.
- the torus skin models harmonic cascadence.
He goes on to mess about with number patterns, but brings in the Yin/Yang, the Mathematical Fingerprint of God, and Aetheric Flux Monopole Emanations. What are those, you might ask? You might be sorry you did:
Aetheron Flux Monopole Emanations, or Aetherons, are linear Emanations of quasi-mass/energy, traveling in a straight line from the center of mass outwards. They radiate in phased-array from the Aeth Coalescence (the central essence of God). The Aetheron Flux Monopole Emanations Rarefy the Diamond Tiles. This rarefication is spread over the Torus Skin, creating Doubling Circuits and Nested Vortices.Oh! Right! The "Dandelion Puff Principle." I'd forgotten all about that, from my college physics classes.
Aetherons cannot be seen or felt by the average human being. Yet, Aetherons are responsible for life as we know it. Aetherons are Life Force of the universe, and are responsible for all form and movement. Aetherons are the source of all magnetic fields and create instantly reacting, high inductance, dual magnetic field flows. Aetherons generate Synchronized Electricity. They are irresistible and can penetrate anything.
The Aetheron Flux Monopole Emanations comprise the positive, transparent ÎZÌ axis of the Abha Torus. This is not the traditional Z-Axis of the traditional, Euclidean geometry. The transparent Z-Axis of the Abha Torus is actually a point source from which linear Emanations pour in all spherical directions from the center, as demonstrated by the Dandelion Puff Principle.
Now, you might think that this is just some guy blathering on about how he will Revolutionize Physics despite the fact of having no scientific background whatsoever, and admittedly people like that are a dime a dozen. But now Marko Rodin has been championed by noted wackmobile Jeff Rense.
Never heard of Rense? He is a conspiracy theorist par excellence, whose overall looniness quotient ranks him right up there with Richard C. Hoagland and Benjamin Fulford. (Check out his site here.) But Rense compounds his bizarre view of the world with anti-Semitism and Holocaust denial, which moves his ideas from the realm of the laughable to the completely odious. He brags that his is the most "format and content-plagiarized site on the net," despite the fact that his most of his material seems to be outright lunacy. (And even if you don't want to read any of his posts, you should at least go to his site to look at his profile photograph, in which he sports a mustache and a mane of flowing hair that in my eyes makes him look a little like an aging 70s porn star.)
So, anyway, that's today's Breakfast of Wingnuttery. We live on a donut made of dark matter and numbers, and the whole thing is caused by invisible particles emanating from the Essence of God. Oh, yeah, and despite what your math teacher told you, pi is a whole number, something I remember trying to convince my 7th grade math teacher of, many years ago. "Can't we just call it '3' and be done with it?", I recall saying. If only I'd known how many years ahead of my time I was, I could have dropped out of school and beat Rodin to the punch, and invented my own "flux thruster atom pulser" so I could "go anywhere in the universe." That sounds like it would have been fun.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Symbol clash
"What does it all mean?"
It's a question you hear posed an awful lot. The search for meaning is behind most of the world's religions. It is a major driver for science as well; perhaps the only common ground science and religion share is that both stem from a quest to find connections, and explanations for what we see around us. Humans are always looking for patterns and correlations. It is one of the things we do the best.
Like any behavior, however, it can be applied too broadly, or in the wrong context. The phenomenon of pareidolia that was the subject of this blog two days ago is one example. I stumbled upon another one just this morning -- in an article that claims that thousands of companies deliberately include "occult witchcraft symbols" in their logos and advertisements. (Source)
The article starts out reasonably enough, describing the use of symbols in various historical contexts, such as the use of the fish by early Christians to mark households who belonged. Then, the author, Gabrielle Pickard, gets a little closer to the central point of her article by describing the use of the star-inscribed-within-a-circle symbol by Wiccans, and quotes one Wiccan source as stating that this symbol "cannot be mistaken as belonging to any other religion or deity."
Seriously? No other culture could have, at some point, drawn a star within a circle, and used it to mean something entirely different? At this point, we have crossed the line between symbols being used by certain people to mean something, and the symbol somehow having inherent meaning -- a contention that is ridiculous. Just as language is defined as "arbitrary symbolic communication" -- with the exception of a few onomatopoeic words, there is no particular connection between a word's sound and its meaning -- symbols gain meaning only through context. Outside of that context, the same symbol can mean something entirely different -- or nothing at all.
However, this doesn't stop Pickard from imbuing a whole bunch of corporate logos with sinister undertones. The winged disc, she states, is an Egyptian symbol that connotes life after death, and has now been used in the logos for Bentley, Mini, Harley Davidson, Chrysler, Aston Martin and Chevrolet. She also says that the symbol shows up in the "seemingly unrelated" contexts of Freemasonry and the Rosicrucians.
"Seemingly." *cue sinister music*
But she still hasn't gone quite as far off the deep end as she's going to, because the next thing she introduces is the symbol of the "Vesica Piscis," consisting of two interlocking circles. This symbol is part of "sacred geometry," she says, where it represents the vagina of the Goddess, and thus has "sexual associations." And (horrors!) this symbol has worked its way into a number of logos, including Chanel, Gucci... and MasterCard!
Yes, people, next time you look at the two interlocking circles on your MasterCard, just remember that you are gazing at the Sacred Vagina of the Goddess. I think I might switch to Visa.
At first, I thought she might just be commenting upon how ancient symbols have been co-opted by corporations, and have lost their meanings -- which would be an interesting observation. As context changes, meaning changes. But no -- she seems to be saying that the symbols all retain their original meanings, even for people who didn't know what those meanings were. For example, until reading this article, I'd never heard of the "Vesica Piscis." So, you'd think, any sexual connotations of the Gucci logo would have been lost on me. But no, she says; she quotes one of her sources, The Vigilant Citizen, as stating that these symbols are "magically charged to focus the subconscious to perform particular tasks," and she goes on to say, "these logos are much more powerful than we may think... It is only when we stop to look more closely that we can reveal more sinister and hidden ancient meanings behind those symbols."
It was a common claim amongst our ancestors that symbols and words had inherent meaning -- this is the basis of a lot of magical practice, where drawings, patterns, or even spoken words were thought to carry a sort of psychic charge. (This is the origin of the magician's stock chant, "abracadabra" -- a word once thought to be imbued with tremendous power, and now usually laughed at.) Of course, there's no inherent anything in symbols. Symbols can mean one thing in one culture and something completely different in another -- witness the way the sentiment behind the one-finger salute is expressed. In America, it's a raised middle finger; in France, it's done with the same finger, but palm upward; in some cultures, the equivalent is the thumbs-up gesture or the peace sign, which has led to some unfortunate misunderstandings!
So the idea that corporations are attempting to infiltrate our brains with magical symbols for some sort of malign purpose is ridiculous. They choose their logos for a lot of reasons -- some historical, some cultural, and some just because they look cool. Undoubtedly, a few do come originally from associations with the occult (such as the crowned snake in the Alfa Romeo logo), but as the context shifts, any sinister meaning that the symbol had gets lost. The vast majority, however, are just there to be eye-catching and memorable, and as such are no more sinister than commercial jingles. The bottom line is that unfortunately for the magical thinkers, everything doesn't have to "mean something."
So relax; you are not invoking sexual magic when you wear Gucci, and I am not summoning up Egyptian sun gods when I drive my wife's Mini Cooper. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a pair of interlocking circles is just a pair of interlocking circles.
It's a question you hear posed an awful lot. The search for meaning is behind most of the world's religions. It is a major driver for science as well; perhaps the only common ground science and religion share is that both stem from a quest to find connections, and explanations for what we see around us. Humans are always looking for patterns and correlations. It is one of the things we do the best.
Like any behavior, however, it can be applied too broadly, or in the wrong context. The phenomenon of pareidolia that was the subject of this blog two days ago is one example. I stumbled upon another one just this morning -- in an article that claims that thousands of companies deliberately include "occult witchcraft symbols" in their logos and advertisements. (Source)
The article starts out reasonably enough, describing the use of symbols in various historical contexts, such as the use of the fish by early Christians to mark households who belonged. Then, the author, Gabrielle Pickard, gets a little closer to the central point of her article by describing the use of the star-inscribed-within-a-circle symbol by Wiccans, and quotes one Wiccan source as stating that this symbol "cannot be mistaken as belonging to any other religion or deity."
Seriously? No other culture could have, at some point, drawn a star within a circle, and used it to mean something entirely different? At this point, we have crossed the line between symbols being used by certain people to mean something, and the symbol somehow having inherent meaning -- a contention that is ridiculous. Just as language is defined as "arbitrary symbolic communication" -- with the exception of a few onomatopoeic words, there is no particular connection between a word's sound and its meaning -- symbols gain meaning only through context. Outside of that context, the same symbol can mean something entirely different -- or nothing at all.
However, this doesn't stop Pickard from imbuing a whole bunch of corporate logos with sinister undertones. The winged disc, she states, is an Egyptian symbol that connotes life after death, and has now been used in the logos for Bentley, Mini, Harley Davidson, Chrysler, Aston Martin and Chevrolet. She also says that the symbol shows up in the "seemingly unrelated" contexts of Freemasonry and the Rosicrucians.
"Seemingly." *cue sinister music*
But she still hasn't gone quite as far off the deep end as she's going to, because the next thing she introduces is the symbol of the "Vesica Piscis," consisting of two interlocking circles. This symbol is part of "sacred geometry," she says, where it represents the vagina of the Goddess, and thus has "sexual associations." And (horrors!) this symbol has worked its way into a number of logos, including Chanel, Gucci... and MasterCard!
Yes, people, next time you look at the two interlocking circles on your MasterCard, just remember that you are gazing at the Sacred Vagina of the Goddess. I think I might switch to Visa.
At first, I thought she might just be commenting upon how ancient symbols have been co-opted by corporations, and have lost their meanings -- which would be an interesting observation. As context changes, meaning changes. But no -- she seems to be saying that the symbols all retain their original meanings, even for people who didn't know what those meanings were. For example, until reading this article, I'd never heard of the "Vesica Piscis." So, you'd think, any sexual connotations of the Gucci logo would have been lost on me. But no, she says; she quotes one of her sources, The Vigilant Citizen, as stating that these symbols are "magically charged to focus the subconscious to perform particular tasks," and she goes on to say, "these logos are much more powerful than we may think... It is only when we stop to look more closely that we can reveal more sinister and hidden ancient meanings behind those symbols."
It was a common claim amongst our ancestors that symbols and words had inherent meaning -- this is the basis of a lot of magical practice, where drawings, patterns, or even spoken words were thought to carry a sort of psychic charge. (This is the origin of the magician's stock chant, "abracadabra" -- a word once thought to be imbued with tremendous power, and now usually laughed at.) Of course, there's no inherent anything in symbols. Symbols can mean one thing in one culture and something completely different in another -- witness the way the sentiment behind the one-finger salute is expressed. In America, it's a raised middle finger; in France, it's done with the same finger, but palm upward; in some cultures, the equivalent is the thumbs-up gesture or the peace sign, which has led to some unfortunate misunderstandings!
So the idea that corporations are attempting to infiltrate our brains with magical symbols for some sort of malign purpose is ridiculous. They choose their logos for a lot of reasons -- some historical, some cultural, and some just because they look cool. Undoubtedly, a few do come originally from associations with the occult (such as the crowned snake in the Alfa Romeo logo), but as the context shifts, any sinister meaning that the symbol had gets lost. The vast majority, however, are just there to be eye-catching and memorable, and as such are no more sinister than commercial jingles. The bottom line is that unfortunately for the magical thinkers, everything doesn't have to "mean something."
So relax; you are not invoking sexual magic when you wear Gucci, and I am not summoning up Egyptian sun gods when I drive my wife's Mini Cooper. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a pair of interlocking circles is just a pair of interlocking circles.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Mangy coyotes, mad cows, and mythological creatures
Today at Worldwide Wacko Watch we're keeping a close eye on three developing stories. At least I am. My research team, made up of my dogs Grendel and Doolin, are currently asleep, having just completed a critical mission of barking at nothing at 4 AM.
Of course, maybe there was something there, and I just didn't notice it. Some people in Cedar Park, Texas, were probably wishing they had dogs as brave as mine to protect them when they saw, skulking in a field near Hill Country Winery, a pack of Chupacabras. (Source)
"I don't know what it is," said Rick Cumptson, who has also seen the animals in a field outside of his store. "I'd never even heard of Chupacabra until about two weeks ago. I started looking, trying to figure out what the hell these were. They were just hanging out there in the field. It looked like maybe they had just had breakfast, and were out there playing around."
Well, already that has to make you wonder. Chupacabras don't "play around." They terrorize residents with their horrifying visages, rippling muscles, and glowing red eyes, and look around for goats to disembowel. Be that as it may, Cumpston and others who have seen the animals are certain that what they're seeing is the renowned blood-sucking cryptid.
Me, I'm not so sure. Every time someone has seen a Chupacabra, or taken a photograph, or shot one, it's turned out to be a coyote with sarcoptic mange. Jack Bonner, who works for Williamson County Animal Control, concurs. "Anybody that calls in a Chupacabra -- it's a coyote with mange," Bonner said, adding that there was a "really, really, really nasty, ugly, mangy coyote that was over in that area" a few months ago.
Cumpston, of course, isn't convinced. "I don't think it's possible," he told reporters for the Austin Statesman. "I've seen coyotes and I've seen this -- two of them within 25 feet -- their head is nowhere similar to a coyote at all. Their ears are different, their eyes are different. I just can't believe that."
So, if you visit Texas, watch out for Chupacabras on the rampage. Or mangy coyotes. Either one, I would imagine, would be really, really, really nasty to meet.
But not, perhaps, as scary as a bunch of deranged cows, which is what some farmers in Indiana had to contend with after their field got buzzed by a UFO. (Source)
MUFON (the Mutual UFO Network) posted a story on June 5 that there was a report from an undisclosed location in Indiana, telling about a sighting of a UFO that "streaked across the sky very fast and had a long tail behind it." This, so far, isn't that unusual -- dozens of such reports come in every day. But what happened afterwards sets it apart.
Minutes later, the eyewitness said that his cows began "going nuts, making noises and slamming themselves into the gate." He himself reports feeling "strange and shaky," and says that shortly thereafter, he "heard sirens and saw several emergency response vehicles headed in the direction that the 'UFO' was traveling."
The whole thing puts me in mind of the strangely satisfying CowAbduction, where you see a photograph of a calmly grazing cow, and when you click on it, the cow moos and gets flung upwards into the air, as if with a tractor beam. No, nothing else happens, but it's still funny enough that just I spent ten minutes messing around with it, probably because I need to have another cup of coffee so that my brain will actually start working. On the other hand, the tracker on the CowAbduction page says that the website has logged 1,650,553 cow abductions to date, so I guess I'm not the only one who is easily amused.
And even cow abductions aren't as scary as what's going on in Chesterfield, Michigan, where a mythological creature is stalking the woods. (Source)
A Macomb County police report from June 6 states that a Chesterfield resident had a rock thrown through his window, with a scary note attached. The note "said a mythological creature was in the woods nearby and that children should be made aware of the danger."
Police scoured the woods nearby and "did not find any suspects, nor any mythological creatures."
Me, if I was trying to warn my neighbors about rampaging mythological creatures, (1) I would find a less antisocial way to warn them than throwing a rock through their window, and (2) I would be a little more specific regarding what I was warning them about. What kind of mythological creature? A centaur? A leprechaun? A balrog? You can see that the kinds of responsive measures you might want to take would be different in each of those cases -- respectively (1) hide the women-folk, (2) look for a pot in which to bring home your gold, or (3) piss yourself and scream like a little girl. So it would have been nice if they could have given the Chesterfield resident a little more information regarding what they were up against. However, there were no further reports of balrogs in the woods, so it all ended happily enough.
So, anyway, that's our report for the day. I think that about winds us up here, which is a good thing, because my dogs have woken up and are barking again. Maybe this time there's actually something out there in the back yard -- possibly a mangy chupacabra, a mad, UFO-crazed cow, or a "mythological creature." Or maybe they're just barking because they like to bark. Myself, I suspect it's the latter.
Of course, maybe there was something there, and I just didn't notice it. Some people in Cedar Park, Texas, were probably wishing they had dogs as brave as mine to protect them when they saw, skulking in a field near Hill Country Winery, a pack of Chupacabras. (Source)
"I don't know what it is," said Rick Cumptson, who has also seen the animals in a field outside of his store. "I'd never even heard of Chupacabra until about two weeks ago. I started looking, trying to figure out what the hell these were. They were just hanging out there in the field. It looked like maybe they had just had breakfast, and were out there playing around."
Well, already that has to make you wonder. Chupacabras don't "play around." They terrorize residents with their horrifying visages, rippling muscles, and glowing red eyes, and look around for goats to disembowel. Be that as it may, Cumpston and others who have seen the animals are certain that what they're seeing is the renowned blood-sucking cryptid.
Me, I'm not so sure. Every time someone has seen a Chupacabra, or taken a photograph, or shot one, it's turned out to be a coyote with sarcoptic mange. Jack Bonner, who works for Williamson County Animal Control, concurs. "Anybody that calls in a Chupacabra -- it's a coyote with mange," Bonner said, adding that there was a "really, really, really nasty, ugly, mangy coyote that was over in that area" a few months ago.
Cumpston, of course, isn't convinced. "I don't think it's possible," he told reporters for the Austin Statesman. "I've seen coyotes and I've seen this -- two of them within 25 feet -- their head is nowhere similar to a coyote at all. Their ears are different, their eyes are different. I just can't believe that."
So, if you visit Texas, watch out for Chupacabras on the rampage. Or mangy coyotes. Either one, I would imagine, would be really, really, really nasty to meet.
But not, perhaps, as scary as a bunch of deranged cows, which is what some farmers in Indiana had to contend with after their field got buzzed by a UFO. (Source)
MUFON (the Mutual UFO Network) posted a story on June 5 that there was a report from an undisclosed location in Indiana, telling about a sighting of a UFO that "streaked across the sky very fast and had a long tail behind it." This, so far, isn't that unusual -- dozens of such reports come in every day. But what happened afterwards sets it apart.
Minutes later, the eyewitness said that his cows began "going nuts, making noises and slamming themselves into the gate." He himself reports feeling "strange and shaky," and says that shortly thereafter, he "heard sirens and saw several emergency response vehicles headed in the direction that the 'UFO' was traveling."
The whole thing puts me in mind of the strangely satisfying CowAbduction, where you see a photograph of a calmly grazing cow, and when you click on it, the cow moos and gets flung upwards into the air, as if with a tractor beam. No, nothing else happens, but it's still funny enough that just I spent ten minutes messing around with it, probably because I need to have another cup of coffee so that my brain will actually start working. On the other hand, the tracker on the CowAbduction page says that the website has logged 1,650,553 cow abductions to date, so I guess I'm not the only one who is easily amused.
And even cow abductions aren't as scary as what's going on in Chesterfield, Michigan, where a mythological creature is stalking the woods. (Source)
A Macomb County police report from June 6 states that a Chesterfield resident had a rock thrown through his window, with a scary note attached. The note "said a mythological creature was in the woods nearby and that children should be made aware of the danger."
Police scoured the woods nearby and "did not find any suspects, nor any mythological creatures."
Me, if I was trying to warn my neighbors about rampaging mythological creatures, (1) I would find a less antisocial way to warn them than throwing a rock through their window, and (2) I would be a little more specific regarding what I was warning them about. What kind of mythological creature? A centaur? A leprechaun? A balrog? You can see that the kinds of responsive measures you might want to take would be different in each of those cases -- respectively (1) hide the women-folk, (2) look for a pot in which to bring home your gold, or (3) piss yourself and scream like a little girl. So it would have been nice if they could have given the Chesterfield resident a little more information regarding what they were up against. However, there were no further reports of balrogs in the woods, so it all ended happily enough.
So, anyway, that's our report for the day. I think that about winds us up here, which is a good thing, because my dogs have woken up and are barking again. Maybe this time there's actually something out there in the back yard -- possibly a mangy chupacabra, a mad, UFO-crazed cow, or a "mythological creature." Or maybe they're just barking because they like to bark. Myself, I suspect it's the latter.
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